Rooted

Thoughts on graduating, maturity, nursing, ministry, and the things that last: 

It's been a while since I've blogged. 2 years actually. I graduated nursing school almost 4 months ago, and tomorrow I will be beginning my fourth week at my job. I'm asked very regularly by excited faces how I'm liking my new job - I feel this expectation to be ecstatic and overflowing with joy that I've finally (after 6 1/2 years) graduated and am working as a nurse! And honestly, I'm happy. I like my job. But I feel far from blissful. And due to all the anticipation, I feel guilty about that - like my feelings are letting people down, people who have poured in time, money, energy, and support for me throughout school. It doesn't feel very good. To recognize your feelings aren't in line with your circumstances but have no power to change them. 

The root of it all? A growing desire to pour into people's souls because they are what lasts. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE that I am able to help people regain physical health because your body is the vessel in which you live. I'm sure I take it for granted since I am young and healthy. But the fact is, even if it enhances someone's life, I am fixing something that will be broken again. Ultimately I know that deep down I long to help people grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally because their soul will remain when their body has failed and is long gone. 

Let's rewind to a few months ago: someone on our worship team at church sent out an email notifying the team of a worship conference at MorningStar church, which is about 2 hours from where I live. Another team member replied back to everyone making us aware that there was a contest to win a free ticket. Some featured worship artists and speakers would include Misty Edwards, Banning Liebscher, Lou Engle, and Sarah McMillan to name a few. I entered the contest. Within the month I was notified that I had won a free ticket to attend! I strongly felt like the Lord had a purpose for me in attending especially since I was able to go for free. I requested off for work and was able to get the days off. Then a friend who had moved out of town notified us that he would be visiting that same week. That would mean I would work 3 - 12 hr shifts half the week and be gone the rest of the week while he was visiting. As disappointed as I was, I decided not to go to the conference so that we could visit. I didn't even tell him that I had won a free ticket though because I didn't want him to feel bad. Last week he was here to visit. At some point, the conference came up and he didn't know about it. He said something along the lines of, "Oh man, I would love to go hear Misty Edwards," to which I replied, "I actually have a free ticket." From there, he, my husband and I decided to go to the conference. I was so ecstatic that both of them were interested in going! We drove up the next day.

At the conference Banning spoke at both the first night session and the following morning. While I am fairly familiar with Jesus Culture and Bethel Church, I have not heard much of his teachings. But let me tell you, it was incredible! He spoke on maturity for one of the sessions. Banning also has a book out expanding on the topic called Rooted (which you should all go buy and read because it's amazing), and it goes through the life of David showing the different soils we must be planted in for God to develop us. I've heard over and over in church settings how you need a firm foundation before God will raise you up as a leader so that you are prepared, but it never actually clicked until this service. 

In the past few years what has been happening in my heart is that I have been growing and learning a lot spiritually and I honestly thought I was ready. I thought I was ready to be a leader - not that I wanted to have a full-time, paid ministry position or anything of that nature, but I thought I had arrived, matured enough. The problem with that is I am only at the beginning. I've only scratched the surface of learning to live life with God and know how to hear Him and have Him guiding me. That journey started for me only 4 years ago (although I've been a Christian since being a young child). In the past year, I have been growing my internal world to be one of stability, maturity, communicating with my Father God, and a place that has heart issues dealt with and not suppressed. And I thought that meant I figured it out. But this is the first step. This is only the beginning of living a full life that has deep roots. If you look at anyone in Scripture that people admire and refer to, Jesus, David, Abraham, Moses... they were developed for years. We're not talking 2 or 5 years, but sometimes decades. Why is this? God needed the base of their foundation to be wide enough to hold the tremendous plans He had for them. The things that David, Abraham, Jesus, and Moses did were bigger than 2 or 3 years worth of maturing. 

I am confident at this point in my life that the biggest dreams/aspirations I have for my life are only the smallest that God has planned for me. I am confident in that. He has shown me pictures and given me ideas of things I'd like to do that have already surpassed anything I've come up with in my own daydreaming. I want to see those come to fruition. I don't know how long it will be, but I know I do not want to compromise its potential by trying to take short cuts or use self-promotion to make it arrive faster. I want the person that people see me as to only be the tip of the iceberg of what is inside of me - the endurance, the strength, the trust in God, the maturity, the kindness, the love. I want what is seen on the outside to only be a fraction of what I actually possess on the inside. And truly grasping this will begin to bring contentment and joy for the season I'm in even if it's not where I'm headed. 

So to the readers, I pray blessing over your futures, the grace for contentment where you are, and the endurance and maturity to see God's wildest dreams for you come to pass! 
The years that feel so long now are only a blink of eternity and are worth investing and sacrificing for the sake of growing your soul which will continue on when you move from this life to the next. 

I choose people

I want to make a lifestyle of choosing people over tasks. I'm more of a type-A, task-oriented person and so I can get bogged down with my to-do list. I can become so blind to what's going on around me simply because I'm preoccupied with all the "things" I have to do. 

What are these "things" anyways? Studying, cleaning, laundry, bills, meetings... do any of these involve relationship? Some maybe. Some in a round-about way. But whether they do or they don't, I want to be able to say "no" to my to-do list when there people in front of me I can be loving on. 
*In saying all of this, it is with the underlying assumption that I am not negating commitments or responsibilities.*

I want to be able to say no to cleaning or doing laundry so that I can spend time with my husband and build a lasting relationship. It is the accumulation of day to day connection that will keep us strong. 
I want to be able to say no to studying and spend time with a friend who needs me. 
I want to say no to doing the dishes and taking my recycling so I can be involved in a church/community event. 
I want to say no to things so I can love on and be in relation with people. 

Relationship is where the life is - it is what God created us for! 
I don't want to starve or deprive myself of loving others or being loved by others simply because I can't say no to my to-do list. The to-do list will get done. Or it won't. And even if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. My life won't fall apart because I didn't complete everything I intended. But it will have joy, excitement, and love because of my choice to be present with people. 

I'm not there yet - but this is where I want to be. Sometimes I struggle. Sometimes I outright fail at choosing people over my to-do list, but I'm on the journey to where I want to be.

I want to live a life choosing people over things. 

Community

Today I was reading in Matthew 24 where Jesus is talking to the disciples about the future. In the closing of this chapter he states,

A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward. I tell you the truth, the master will put that servant in charge of all he owns. But what if the servant is evil and thinks, 'My master won't be back for a while,' and he begins beating the other servants, partying, and getting drunk? The master will return unannounced and unexpected, and he will cut the servant to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matthew 24:45-51, NLT)

The servants Jesus is referring to are the servants of Christ. The household they serve is the Kindgom of God, so the other servants He is referring to would be our brothers and sisters in Christ. Jesus is urging us to "manage" and "feed" the other household servants, our brothers and sisters in Christ. The community I am in now has given me an experience that I can relate this passage to. I've read it before, but overlooked it or didn't quite understand how simple yet important it is. 

When Jesus is speaking of the servant who is beating the other servants, my mind immediately goes to 1 John 4:20-21

If someone says, 'I love God,' but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters. (NLT, emphasis mine)

 Loving our Christian brothers and sisters isn't a feeling we have for them. It is an action we show towards them. 1 John 3:18, "Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions." And God told us how we were to operate as a church family in Acts 2. The community of people in Acts shared money with those in need and "shared their meals with great joy and generosity," (v. 43-47) We can love each other in more than sharing money and food. If you don't have extra money, you can help those in need in your community by babysitting, cleaning their house, giving them clothes, changing the oil in their car... Whatever gift, talent, or tangible item you have, you can give it to someone else to bless them and that is a picture of what God is looking for. I think this is what Jesus was emphasizing in Matthew. We need to care for one another in whatever way we can. When we do this, we are taking care of God's servants and living in the design He created for community! 

Taking the Unexpected Route

Often times when I decide to go to God for some guidance, I have a preconceived idea about what He is going to say or what I subconsciously am hoping He'll say. Anyone out there on the same page? It's not that I want to want my own way - otherwise I wouldn't be seeking God's advice in the first place. It's just that I'm human. But, the key to all relationships, including that with our Heavenly Father, is communication. The key to knowing, seeking out, and discerning what God may or may not want me to do is talking with Him just like I would with my husband or best friend.

In Exodus 13-14, the Israelites are being led by Moses (through God's direction) out of Egypt. But, we're informed of an interesting point:

When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, "If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle.    Exodus 13:17-18 NLT

God didn't lead the Israelites along the shortest path or, in my application for modern terms, the path that looked the easiest and made the most sense. Why does God do this? Well, who knows. For many reasons. But, He did give us at least one. God explained that if the Israelites were faced with a battle, they may turn around. Because of fear, they may have turned around and chosen slavery over freedom when God had already promised to deliver them. Since God knows us intricately though and because He is gracious, He took them on a different route. It wasn't necessarily the expected route, the easier route, or route that made the most sense humanly, but God knew what would be best for the Israelites. God's plan for us doesn't always make sense to other people (or to us for that matter), and it may not be the shortest route to get from point A to point B. But, we can trust God to know what's best and to know what we need better than we do. 

There is also another reason why God may do this. In chapter 14 verse 3, the Lord tells Moses that by taking this route instead of the logical and shorter route, Pharaoh will be confused. 

Then the Lord gave these instructions to Moses: ... Then Pharaoh will think, "The Israelites are confused. They are trapped in the wilderness!"      Exodus 14:1,3

By taking the unexpected route, God gives the Israelites the advantage of confusing their enemy. 

For the next 10 or so verses (14:5-12) Pharaoh and his army decide to chase after the Israelites. They even began to overtake them as we see from verse 10. The Israelites begin to question Moses and his ability/plan, to which Moses replies,

Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.     Exodus 14:13-14

My favorite part is God's response (especially in this particular translation): 

Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!"     Exodus 14:15

What I love about this response is that it demonstrates a balance between doing the unexpected when God says as well as doing what seems logical. The Egyptians were overtaking the Israelites, Moses in his humility was reassuring the Israelites that God would rescue them, and God just says, "Get moving!" To me, this passage just reinforces the fact that we need to always be listening for God's guidance. He may say, "Be still. I'll take care of this." Or, He may say, "Do something!" Either way, it's vital that we rely on and communicate with our Daddy who knows the best route for every circumstance, whether logical or unexpected.         

A Year of Testimonies

One year ago it seemed as if we were facing Mt. Everest.

When you make a 900 mile drive... twice... for vacation, which we recently did, it gives you a lot of thinking time. And since on our trip home hubby fell asleep for a couple hours, I had a good amount of time to reflect. God took me through memories of the past year and reminded me of all the little details that came together for us to get where we are today.

Last year at this time, I was trying to plan a wedding as well as figure out with my husband-to-be how we were going to move to South Carolina and get jobs. Beginning chronologically, when we got engaged, May 15, 2012, I had not found a summer job yet. Every year for the past 5 years, I had returned to my parents and worked at an ice cream shop. At this time living with my grandparents, having most of my friends in that area, and being newly engaged, I wanted to stay there for the summer. Having already been looking for jobs with no success, I was becoming quite discouraged. After only three days of being engaged, I was debating returning to my parents where I’d be far from my friends and far from my new fiancé, not exactly what I thought would be best for me, but I was beginning to get desperate. This day in particular the internet was out so I had gone to a McDonald’s parking lot to use the wireless internet for a few minutes. Being overwhelmed with discouragement, I was sitting there sobbing. Phone in my lap, without it ringing yet having service, my phone said I had a new voicemail. Odd enough as it was that it never rang, I listened to it. “Hi Sarah, this is ____. We had an interview the other day, and I think you’d be perfect for the position we’re hiring for. If you’re interested give me a call back.” I was in shock. At the perfect timing, God supplied me with a job that would suit my current circumstances. He is so good.

Also on our minds was how we planned on paying for the wedding. Since we got engaged semi-quickly, I didn’t want to expect anything from my parents or his. Jame and I chose right away to rely on the Lord and have a small backyard wedding if we had to, but, my parents generously helped to pay for our wedding! Deep down I had been praying God would provide money so I could have the wedding of my dreams , and He did! It was absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. I loved our location. I loved my dress. I was so thankful for how many people were able to come and celebrate. I was thankful to be marrying my best friend. And like every girl should, I felt like a princess all day long.  We were able to have a gorgeous wedding and reception. God fulfilled the desires of my heart for my wedding day through my parents’ generosity.

In July, I made a new friend. This friend got me a job at a daycare. I had never worked at a daycare but I did have experience with children and desired to have a job in childcare. Although it seemed rather silly to me for them to hire me in July knowing that I’d be leaving in October, I was thankful and knew it was God’s grace that I received that job.

In August, we had a wonderful opportunity to meet our to-be pastors who we had only known through listening to their sermons on podcasts. They happened to be coming to Michigan for vacation and were able to get together. We trusted their teachings, Jameson’s sister had gone to a church they were former assistant pastors of, and we had been in email and telephone contact with them, but actually meeting them put a lot of anxiety to rest and they gave us tremendous encouragement.

We had begun the process of looking for apartments in late August or early September, but most required that you have a pay stub proving you had a job in the area. Obviously we could not provide that. (Besides the fact, we can’t get jobs without somewhere to live.) It seemed more and more difficult to find a home as well as more and more terrifying imaging moving without having a home. ­­­Towards the end of September, we decided to make a trip down to SC to visit the church and look for a home. Jameson had made some appointments and the week we were to leave, they all got cancelled. As imaginable, it was extremely discouraging. He prayed with a friend who encouraged us to take a step of faith and come down anyways. It would be good to visit the area before moving anyways. So, we continued with our trip as planned. We came down on a Friday. Since we were leaving Sunday night, we called around everywhere Saturday morning trying to get appointments. We got three! If you ask me, that’s a miracle in itself to get three tours last minute on a Saturday. On one specific tour we spoke with the landlord about our situation and explained we needed to know we’d have somewhere to live. By God’s grace, she told us she could rent us the townhouse, if we decided we wanted it, without running background checks first. She trusted us to be cleared. After discussing and praying, Sunday after church, we signed our first lease! What a relief. God gave us a home for when we were to move.

After the trip, we had about three weeks until our wedding. We finished working, hammering out details, and then we got hitched on October 19th! We went on a honeymoon to Isle of Palms, and yes, we swam in the ocean in October. After all, we were northerners in the south, so it was warm enough :) Since we didn’t have jobs lined up yet, it seemed scary trying to imagine how bills would get paid. Amazingly, God blessed us at our wedding with plenty of financial provision!

Not shortly after moving down (early November), Jameson got hired as a tile setter full-time and I was hired part-time at a daycare! I had searched for two weeks without any success of even getting an interview, then one day I took my resume to a daycare, she offered me an interview for the next morning, and the following day I was offered the job! It felt like God just dropped it right into my lap. And little did I know before moving, the resume I needed to get it was provided by working only 4 months at a daycare in Michigan. Also little did I know, it would be an amazing facility where I would be treated well and I would love working there.

To start wrapping up since this is getting long, I’ll briefly mention all the other blessings that have happened in the past 8 months. We were able to go home to Michigan for Christmas for an entire week, Jameson got a new job doing photography that isn't exhausting on his body and we see each other more, we were recently able to take a visit to Michigan while getting to attend my cousin’s wedding, AND I've been accepted to a nursing program down here. For those who didn't know, I was in a nursing program when we felt God tell us to move, and I did withdraw without knowing whether or not there would be a university near us or if I could get into another program. He knew all along there was a school here with a great nursing program!

In hindsight, it seemed like the past year wasn't that difficult, yet during all those times, they were some of the scariest times. God held our hands, walked with us, and provided every step of the way and still is. Never underestimate your Daddy’s love for you and His desire to provide and bless you!

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?” 

Matthew 6:25-26

Older Brother Syndrome

I suffer from older brother syndrome. If you know me, yes, I'm an only child. I don't have any secret siblings. I'm referring to the older brother in the "Parable of the Prodigal Son" from Luke 15. I've heard tens of sermons preached on the prodigal son where the focus is the younger son who takes his inheritance and leaves. I'll be prompted towards the end of the sermon to evaluate my life and if I need to "come home." To be honest, most times I'm sitting there trying to make a case against myself how I've spiritually "run away" when I haven't. I've heard maybe a few sermons preached on the older brother. I just read a whole chapter of a book, Experiencing Father's Embrace by Jack Frost, that focuses on the older brother. Not that I can judge everyone's heart, but after reading it, I feel like more Christians and churches have older brother syndrome than younger brother syndrome, but he is never the brother of topic. So, I'm simply going to explain briefly a view at the concept of "Older Brother Syndrome" as presented in the book and my experience relating to it.

The first time we hear of the older brother in Luke 15 is in verse 25. He is working in the field. When he hears of what the cause is for the music and dancing, he becomes angry and doesn't go in to celebrate with his father and younger brother. How many times have we been bitter or jealous at someone else's success? I'm going to be transparent here, and it won't be pretty. I felt like that often through my teenage years and even into my early adulthood - if you know how old I am, yes, that was until very recently. In church, I felt this unspoken competitive spirit against other Christians in the church. Not always, but sometimes. I wasn't able to experience complete joy in my brothers' and sisters' successes because of where my heart was at. For example, if someone else became good at something I was also good at, it felt like a threat. It felt like a threat because I feared not being needed. I feared being replaced. I feared not being good enough. Why was this? Because I didn't understand how God's love worked. 
"There is nothing you can do to be loved by Him any more than you already are. And there is nothing you can do to lessen His love." 
I hadn't experienced that. I hadn't come to the understanding that it didn't matter what I did at church: God still loved me the same. He loved me the same if I went faithfully every Sunday, was part of the worship team, and served in the nursery, or if I came in once a month and was never involved. My performance does not change His feelings towards me. I can't make Him love me less by sinning and I can't make Him love me more by serving. His love is unconditional. Period. 

I never realized I was affected by the older brother syndrome until I recently read this chapter and looked back. I've compared how I operated in church 2 years ago to where I am today. Today, I can go to church and leave without serving, tithing... anything! And I don't feel guilty or condemned. I can go to church, serve in the nursery, bring my tithe, and know I'm not better than anyone else. I don't feel an obligation to be somewhere or do something anymore. Now when I serve or participate in an outreach, it is because I desire to. I want to. Another problem with older brother syndrome is that you subconsciously require of other people the standard you've put on yourself. When I was operating in performance mode, I felt as if I couldn't miss a church event. If I wasn't in class or at work, I felt obligated to go even if I had things to do like homework. I should plan ahead and do my homework some other time, right? I mean, after all, I'm only a "good" Christian if I'm at all the church events every time I'm free. Because of thinking this way, I put pressure on others to do the same. I would enthusiastically invite others, not that there wasn't any sincere joy and excitement, but then internally be disappointed or judgmental if they couldn't make it. Performance and law don't leave room for "I'm busy" or "I just need to stay home and rest today." They require perfection and leave no room for grace. 

As I'm still recovering from older brother syndrome and learning to operate out of sincere love and desire that overflows from my relationship with God, I have to make sure I examine my motives simply to make sure I am operating out of love rather than obligation. I have to put aside insecurity and the fear that I will be judged for not going to a church event. Thankfully, I'm blessed to be in a church environment where I know I'm not being judged at all . This allows me to live freely, and when you live freely, there is joy in doing. 

Maturity in Relationships

I can say no to God. He can say no to me. And we can still love each other the same. No, I'm not recommending disobedience. I'm trying to express this new found freedom in relationship. We've all heard that we should have relationship with God, but how many people actually operate out of that? I'd guess not very many. Instead we pray to God as if we're reading off a checklist and He's some distant person that we owe for giving us salvation. But, we don't operate this way because we want to. We just don't know another way. 

Recently I've been reading the book Boundaries by Dr.'s Cloud and Townsend, and today I read a chapter that talks about boundaries between myself and God. It was enlightening and thought-provoking. They presented the same idea I did above (except more intellectually and thoroughly). We are in relationship with God. Now, some of our conflicts in relationship with Him have more than likely come from imperfect human relations. For example, if we have experienced, whether one deeply impacting instance or a culture of encounters, abandonment or punishment when we expressed our "no" to someone, we will naturally be fearful of telling God no simply because we'll assume subconsciously that God will either abandon us, or He'll punish us for saying no. God will do neither of these. As I said before, I'm not condoning disobedience, we can rest assured if we tell God "no" about something, He's promised "I will never leave you, nor forsake you," and He won't punish us. Unfortunately, most of us have experienced someone who has withdrawn their love or the relationship entirely when we expressed our boundaries through telling them "no." And as a result, we've falsely attributed that characteristic to God: that He will leave us and not be our Friend or Father if we tell Him no. While it's true He won't leave or punish us, I do believe He'll let us deal with the consequences of our decision whether good or bad. One example the authors gave of this was the prodigal son. His father gave him his inheritance, respected his "no", let him suffer the consequences of his decision, but lovingly welcomed him home when he returned. This son was honest with his father, and his father respected that. On the other hand, the other son said yes to his father, but it is clear that his heart said no because he was angry. He was dishonest with his father rather than being sincere in expressing how he truly felt. Honesty is always the best policy in relationship. 

On the flip side, God is allowed to tell us no. He told Jesus no when Jesus asked if there was any other way for Him to die and bring salvation to the world. When God tells us no, we need the maturity, as in any relationship, to accept His boundary and yet not become angry with Him. He has the right, as well as we all do, to say no and draw a line for Himself. 

I could go on and on about this concept. There is so much freedom in relationship when people (or God) have the maturity to accept no and say no. It brings life and security to the friendship. If you can't say no, I'd encourage you to practice. If you can't accept no from someone, I'd encourage you to work on that also. Life is a process, and I'm still learning and growing in both! 

The Overflow Ramblings

This is a post for 2 reasons: 1. because I am discouraged by the many Christians I know who are not excited about God's love and 2. because I am overflowing with excitement, joy, and gratitude for what Jesus has done.

Every Christmas season the reality of what God brought us becomes sweeter to me. But, with the recent season I've went through and the new season I have just begun, I cannot think of any reason why Christians, followers of Christ, should not be beaming with love and joy! While I don't understand it, I have been there. I've been a Christian and not felt joyful, or peaceful, or thankful, or at all connected to the reality of what our Father God has done for us. Even in hindsight, I'm not quite sure how my attitude has shifted, but there is definitely one action on my part that has changed that could be the key. Worship.

This past year I've probably spent more of my quiet time just worshiping than I have in the prior 3 years all together. And it has made a HUGE impact on my relationship with God and my perspective of Jesus. I'm coming to realize that I used to try and have relationship through discipline. I would think, "Oh, if I can just read my Bible every day for at least 30 minutes, I will have a good relationship with God." And for me personally, I was being legalistic in my heart - thinking that a rule could make me righteous and would give me a "better" relationship with God, as if just spending time with Him wasn't enough, as if I had to be perfectly disciplined to be acceptable. 
As I began worshiping more in my quiet time, I found myself more aware throughout the day of the Holy Spirit and being in communication with God more. I found my perspective being aligned with His. I found that it was when I was worshiping and focusing solely on Him, that He would speak to me and tell me anything I needed to hear. I've realized when I just sit in His presence and soak it in, He shows me how much more love He has to give that I can't even comprehend. 

Jesus is so good. And I'm discouraged by the many Christians I see living in bondage to discipline, rules, others' opinions, or simply their own fear. Satan has taken too much ground... He is NOT that powerful. He is NOT strong. Let's shout in his face how much bigger Jesus is! I want to see followers of Christ being free in who God made them, free in expression of their love for Him, and free to love and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. And if you're struggling, I'd encourage you to spend time in worship - spend time dwelling on who God is and who Jesus is. I promise it will become more amazing each time. Father God has offered us complete freedom - too great a gift for Christians to be living in fear and therefore being self-focused, instead of sharing and loving on others. 

Worship Me In The Secret Place

This week was rough for me spiritually, and I couldn't figure out why. I was struggling a lot yet I was reading my Bible, praying, and spending time in God's presence daily. Yesterday and today were wonderful, but to be honest, I'm not sure what turned it around; I didn't change anything.
Most of the time, people will say if you're struggling spiritually, "Well, God hasn't moved so it must be you." I'm not quite sure that was what happened this week though. From the bottom of my heart I can sincerely say I hadn't moved from God and back to Him. But one thing I do know is this: it is righteous for us to worship Him when we don't feel like it. It is right for us to worship Him when we don't have the energy. It is right for us to worship Him just because it delights His heart. It is right for us to sing to Him because He is good. After we've gone through difficult times yet we've still worshiped Him just the same as if we were high on life, He does a transformation in us that cannot be achieved any other way.
Today I was worshiping on my own and I just heard God say, "Worship me in the secret place." Initially, I kind of though, "Well, I am right now God?" But then I just heard it over and over anyways. It is vital to our spiritual life that we worship Him in our own private time. There is a spiritual wall that is broken down when we worship God full-out when no one else is around. It delights Him. He desires for us to desire Him. He longs for us to want to worship Him and please Him. We weren't called to be Christians that worship God on Sunday mornings only. Yes, we worship God in all that we do if we're obeying Him, but there is a release in singing to Him in the secret place. There's a connection and a spiritual strength He gives when we desire to worship Him when we're alone. So I'd challenge you, if you don't already do this, worship God in the secret place; give Him your attention and your affection when no one else is around. And tell Him how good and how beautiful He is.

Lord, What Have We Done?

*The following is a writing that was on my heart after reading a few chapters in The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. Of the complaints I have, please know I am not considering myself blameless in the slightest. I know I'm imperfect and do some of the very things I'm rejecting here, but I believe in God's grace to forgive me and show me when I'm wrong. I won't ever be perfect. I hope this will not be something to make people feel guilty, but will rather be an encouragement to be more like Jesus! 

Lord, what have we done?
Seeing and mocking those who don't know You - those who are lost
Not with direct slander, but with subtle comments and the absence of love in our hearts
People will excuse themselves, but You will not

No, it's never okay to even make a representation of someone should it come out as if they're inferior
And Satan, with great success, has convinced the church that if we don't make direct comments or don't hurt their feelings, then it's okay, it's just "the truth"

But the truth is Jesus never called anyone out or spoke poorly of them
And rather than just allowing them to shamefully enter the church,
He sought them out
Lord, what have we done?

We argue and debate theology before ever doing the Great Commission
We hand out tracks before we hand out food and judge a person's appearance before simply realizing they  need to see You
Lord, what have we done?

When selecting our leaders, we judge their past before we examine their hearts, completely disregarding that you call us a new creation in Christ
Lord, what have we done?

Let us not turn from or later verbalize our disgust - instead let us go to the drunkard, the idolater, and every outsider with love and compassion and mercy and grace
Let us not allow our brothers and sisters in Christ to behave in these ways - that we wouldn't judge one another in our hearts but confront one another with love
Let us not reach the end of our life and regrettably utter, Lord, what have we done?

Tristen

Today Jameson and I went to the park, and I made a new friend. His name is Tristen. He is 3 years old, but he told me proudly, "I'll be 4 in September!"
Children amaze me. Their joy, their openness, and the freedom they have to be themselves.
The reason I decided to play with my new friend tonight was because he was by himself with his grandpa, and I figured it'd be more fun for him if he had someone to play with. We were sitting by a hill and he began walking up the big stairs by himself. I said, "Can I climb up the stairs with you?" He replied without hesitation, "Sure!" And that's where our friendship began.
Why can't adults be that way? Why are we so judgmental before even knowing a person or have preconceived notions about what they'll be like? I know I'm not perfect at this either, but it's worth working on and admitting that it needs work.
Tristen and I would walk up the stairs and then roll down the hill in the grass. Over and over. He didn't get tired of it. Then we took turns chasing each other's shadows. After that, we worked together to "attack" Jameson.
And something about a child allows you to be free... to be yourself, without fearing judgment. There is an acceptance children offer. You can be yourself; you can be silly; you can let your imagination run wild; and you can be free.
When it was time to go, Tristen didn't want to leave. He fought with his "Papa." To help since I felt slightly responsible, I asked him to race me to the truck. Eventually my new friend said bye without a pouty face, but instead with a smile. He told me they go to the park every week and he wants us to play together a lot there.
One of my goals, or at least strives in life, is to pursue a childlike attitude and perspective. Always. I want to have joy unaffected by others' pessimism; imagination not hindered by the possibility of appearing foolish; innocence untouched despite a corrupt world; forgiveness without exceptions; and love for others that knows no bounds.

Confusing Callings

The worst feeling is knowing what God has told you to do and feeling like you misheard or misrepresented Him. You know, those times when God has very clearly told you to do something or shared something with you, and when you share it, people think you're absolutely ridiculous? That's okay. It is definitely a struggle when you have no support for something you know God has clearly told you. There are even times when other Christians don't support you, disregarding the fact that you heard it from God. Which seems quite ironic when you think about it... that those who hold the same beliefs as you would look at you like you're crazy when you share what God has told you to do or what He's shared with you. And it's always discouraging. Those people, the ones who believe and trust in the same God, don't accept that you've been told something. That has always made me question if it was right. "Well, if my Christian family and friends don't think this is what God wants for me, is this what He really told me?" But, God is showing me we should question others' opinions before we question what God has told us. 

I've been reading in Exodus. If you don't know the background, the Israelites are slaves to the Egyptians. The Israelites had been crying for help. 

Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the people of Israel and knew it was time to act. Exodus 2:23-25

God then reveals to Moses that He will set the Israelites free from the Egyptians, and Moses is the one God is going to send to Pharaoh and the one who will lead the Israelites out of Egypt. After a conversation with God about not feeling qualified, Moses is going to do what the Lord has asked of him. Moses and Aaron go to Pharaoh and tell Pharaoh that the Lord has commanded he let the Israelites go, but Pharaoh refuses. 

Now onto how this relates to what I began with:

It isn't surprising that Pharaoh refuses to let the Israelites go (1. because he wouldn't have slaves and 2. because God already decided to harden his heart {Exodus 4:21}), but what is surprising is that the Israelites are not even supportive of Moses. I would assume the Israelites would be ecstatic and supportive if God told Moses He would set the Israelites free. But they aren't. In Exodus 5:21, the Israelite foremen said to Moses and Aaron, "May the Lord judge and punish you for making us stink before Pharaoh and his officials. You have put a sword into their hands, an excuse to kill us!" To me that's a little harsh for someone who is trying to save them. 

So Moses returns to God and asks why... Moses is looking for reassurance for what the Lord has told him. And God, so patiently, repeats to Moses what He is going to do and assures Moses that he will lead the Israelites out of Egypt. 

Moses, like us, brings up to God the fact that no one is supporting him. Even those who will benefit from what God is going to do through him aren't supporting him. Moses says in 6:12, "But Lord! My own people won't listen to me anymore. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen? I'm such a clumsy speaker!" So on top of not having any support, Moses is awful at public speaking. 

God sometimes calls us to things we aren't necessarily ready to do and sometimes without any support. We have to be ready to be strong in the Lord and do what He says despite other people. Our support is God's voice and assurance in what He's told us. And like Moses, maybe in the world's eyes we aren't even qualified to do what God has asked of us. But, I've heard this quote before and I agree with it: "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." (In my opinion, it's better that way because it's easier to stay humble when we don't feel adequate.)

You won't always have the support and encouragement from family and friends when God asks something "big" or "extreme" of you. But what is most important is that you're assured in your heart of what the Lord has asked and that you're faithful to it. Don't let the environment or circumstances around you change what you know you heard God speak. He is faithful to our obedience, and He always does what He promises when we hold up our end of the bargain. 

Don't be afraid to stand alone. God is standing there with you if He told you to do it, and He will walk with you through it which is better than having any person for support. 

The Wind & The Waves

Recently I've been going through a phase in my life where God is teaching me not to surrender to fear and worry - like truly to give it up to Him in a practical way. He's showing me I do have an active role in order to get rid of fear in my life. It has not been easy, and I haven't always succeeded, but there is grace, mercy, and freedom in the Cross.

We're told in Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God, through Paul, wasn't simply suggesting, "Hey, I think life might be a little better if you don't worry but pray instead." When I read this, I see it more as a command. Do not be anxious about anything. By prayer and petition, present your requests to God. I think we (Christians) often complicate trying not to "worry" and act like it's a sin, and then we act so troubled thinking, "Oh, I need to work on not worrying. I'm not really there yet." The solution is clear to me: When you're worrying, pray. It doesn't matter if you feel like praying or believe it will make a difference. God is faithful to our actions of obedience when we feel faithless. I've been learning in my own experience that even when I don't feel like praying when I'm worried, when I do, God is always faithful to give me peace simply because I'm trying to obey Him and surrender my fears.

It'd be a lot easier to not worry if we didn't have things to worry about, right? If life were just simpler. Well, God being as wonderful as He is, gave us a solution for that too. In Matthew 14, Jesus is walking on water towards the disciples in the boat. Peter says to Jesus in verse 28, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." So in response Jesus tells him to come. If you're familiar with the story, you know that Peter looked away from Jesus, got terrified, started to sink, and then Jesus reached out to grab him. In verse 30, it specifically says what distracted Peter from Jesus: "But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink." 
I'm going to present this more as a metaphor to our lives, but I believe it to be completely relevant to this passage. Because Peter looks at the wind and the waves, he failed to see the One who would bring him through it. Our eyes cannot be focused on 2 different things - unless you're really talented. But realistically, it's not possible. We cannot be looking at how I'm going to pay this bill, how I'm going to get food, how I'm going to fix this relationship, etc. We must focus on Jesus. And to do that, we have to intentionally take our eyes off of distractions, stare straight ahead at Jesus and keep walking. That is the only way to make it through the wind and the waves. When people say, "If God led you to it, He'll lead you through it," I believe that to be true, but only if we're focused on Him and not how we're going to overcome the circumstances.
Faith shall be our substance to walk on.
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." 
Peter wasn't walking on any tangible substance that would keep him afloat. His faith and fixation on Jesus was his substance that kept him from sinking.

I'm not saying I've mastered fixing my eyes on Jesus, but learning this lesson requires a constant battle against distraction. It must be intentional on our part to pray, and ask, when we're filled with fear, worry, or doubt. And God will be faithful.
Matthew 21:22 "You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."




For those of you interested, God has shown me all of this through a sermon I was listening to. The essence of the message wasn't about prayer in anxiousness, but it was focused on faith and asking. If you're interested in listening, the link is http://sermon.net/newdaysc/sermonid/2411550 It should be titled, "How (and when) to walk on water". 

It Hated Me First

I am not on this Earth for my own benefit. I could not have put myself here. It was God-ordained, which means He has a purpose for me. A purpose I must surrender to because the only value I have is in doing what I was made for, which is being used by God. 
I must be willing to sacrifice my own desires, dreams, friendships, time, and passions. Pursuing any of my own will leave me empty and dissatisfied because I won't have done what I was made for. Now, the actual practice of this reality is quite new to me. I've known it, I've heard it, and I've thought I understood it. But recently God has shown me there's much more to surrender. 
I seek comfort. I seek acceptance. Two things that do not come from being bold for Christ. 
"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you" John 15:18-19
If I am hated, it will be from being a light. Light exposes all darkness. So if I am hated because Christ shines through me exposing all filth and evil, then let me be hated. 

Refusing To Be Defeated By An Attack

It’s comical how dramatic we can be about life.

“Woe is me because school is hard and Satan attacks me occasionally.”

 I’m sure many know the story of Job. In just the first chapter, Satan kills all his animals, burns his sheep and shepherds, steals his camels, kills his servants, and killed all his children. Sounds like a pretty literal fulfillment of John 10:10, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” In response as stated in Job 1:20, Job fell to the ground and worshipped God. He said, “The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!”

I wish I had that attitude all the time. But to be honest, pride gets in the way and I convince myself (or Satan convinces me of a lie) that I deserve what I have and that God doesn’t have the right to take it away. He certainly does though. He created me and He sustains me, so He may do what He wishes and whether I like it or not, I can't object. God is in control even when I try to be.

Having said that, I know God is in control now even when Satan attacks me. Just like in Job, God knows what my response will be. God is more powerful than Satan; He must give Satan permission to do anything to me because I am a child of God. Also, I need to keep my eyes open for the ways God will provide for me.

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” 1 Corinthians 10:13

I am so thankful God will provide a way out of temptation. All I need to do is trust Him and look for that open door. 

I’ve also realized my personality is similar to Job’s based on what Eliphaz says to Job in 4:3-5, “In the past you have encouraged many people; you have strengthened those who were weak. Your words have supported those who were falling; you encouraged those with shaky knees. But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart. You are terrified when it touches you.” It’s scary to admit, but I’m very much like that. I feel I can be a great encouragement to others and remind them that God is in control, but when it comes to me, oh boy. And most people are like that. But why do we do that? We say one thing and when it comes to us we behave in another as if what we say to encourage others doesn’t apply to us.

God is currently teaching me that when Satan attacks me, I have the power through Christ to command him to leave; he is NOT allowed to control me. It’s a very difficult lesson to learn because I have to put my confidence in God into practice. When I feel my weakest, I have to tell Satan I am stronger because of Christ. And lately, situations have been arising where I have been able to learn the lesson God has been teaching me. He’s not just telling me, but I’m having opportunities for application. While I may feel defeated, I know I’m not.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

My Current Quest

*This is going to be very vague just for the purpose of length.*

God has really been teaching me this semester about trusting in Him. And I don't mean that lightly. He has humbled me, taken away my pride, and caused me to trust in nothing but Himself even to the point of having peace that if I am not "successful", it is okay because life here is temporary. I've been really struggling in how to handle my life and how to balance it. What things do I "give up" or stop doing when I can't seem to handle them all, but yet they all seem so important to me and are a way I serve God? I've been torn. Luckily, God knows that. He knows I haven't been able to give anything up even though I can't handle it all. And because of that, He is providing an out for me. I'm so thankful that God will provide for us. I'm so thankful that when we can't do things on our own but are striving to serve Him, that He will provide the means we need to get through it. I hope this makes sense without the details included. 

God is literally making me stop doing something. I didn't choose it; I didn't feel a peace about "quitting" something I'm a part of. I literally will not be able to fit each thing I've done this semester into next semester. And that is a blessing in disguise. To me, it is God saying, "It's okay, I've got this. I know you feel like you can't hear me or feel me leading, so I will show you what to give up by making it to where you can't do it." I am so thankful for His intervention in my life at this point. I can't even explain it. 

I'm not even sure the point of this blog besides that fact that I am overwhelmed that I don't have to try and figure out what I'm supposed to do. God is just setting it up to where I don't have to pick. Instead, it will be impossible for me to be a part of a certain group. Hopefully this will just be an encouragement to you that God will make a way for you to do His will if you're striving and can't seem to figure it out on your own. He will never punish or ignore a seeking heart. 

I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me. Proverbs 8:17

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.' Jeremiah 29:11-13

Our Weakness, His Power.

Paul writing:

...So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.          2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT

     Can you relate to Paul at all? Have you ever, even once in your life, asked God to take away something that was painful? It's the most natural response to something hurtful, uncomfortable, or painful: we want it gone, and we want it gone now. But, God didn't just grant Paul's wish and remove this thorn. Instead, He gave Paul a new perspective of it which was for His glory. 
     Let's be real. I don't know about others, but I know that the first thing that comes to mind when I have a "thorn in my flesh" isn't, "God, thank you for this weakness so you may be glorified!" It's usually, "God, why?", or "Will you please take this away?" And I'm ashamed to say, even after I may have realized my bad attitude towards a particular situation, I still can't say with confidence that I always search for a way to make God known in my weakness. It's a pride issue. No one wants to be weak. No one wants to be seen when they're feeling weak. And lately, God has been teaching me to let go of that pride I have in myself and instead boast in Him alone. 
     Another observation I wanted to point out is just how quickly Paul's attitude does change. The verse after God tells Paul that His grace is sufficient (v.9), Paul says he is now glad to boast in weaknesses. I am not that quick of a learner. When God is teaching me a lesson, it usually takes a long time for me to learn it with multiple situations to reinforce. But, I am thankful that with a searching and willing heart, God will continue to teach us and transform us. 


     This isn't very theological or in-depth, but I hope it is an encouragement to let God use your weakest moments for His power to shine. I want my attitude at my next moment of weakness to be, "God, please show your grace through this situation, and give me strength that only you can take credit for." After all, if He created us, any strength we have is from Him in the first place. So why are we boasting in anything but Him? 

 

Suck It Up and Do It

I've realized I pity myself far too often, as well as many others do I'm sure. But, I don't want to focus on others when I'm only accountable for myself.


I find myself thinking, "Life is so hard." Hello? I'm 20. My parents are together, they help me pay for school, my grandparents are living and kind enough to let me live with them during the school year so my commute isn't so far, I have great friends, my health is good, what in the world do I have to complain about?
Part of this self-pity has to do with relativity. Comparative to others' lives, my life has been fairly "easy" without any struggles. At least that's what other people would see it as, and I would have to agree although my life has been far from perfect. But that doesn't mean I haven't been blessed. No one can expect their life to be perfect. But anyways, in relation to growing up and having an "easy" life, I tend to get overwhelmed easily I've realized. I used to think I could handle a lot going on at a time, but I've become a little less prideful and admitted I actually can't deal with as much going on at once as most people can. Last year during school I worked 5-10 hours a week, had 14 credit hours (granted, 7 hours of lab a week with those classes), and at times, I felt like I could die from stress. And most people would look at me and respond with, "Suck it up", which I would not be offended by.
And I guess I have no where I am heading with this blog, I just wanted to share a new perspective I've had. Part of it being that I start the nursing program this semester, and to be honest, I am terrified. It will be hard; I will probably cry; some concepts I will not understand; I may need to get extra help; I may need to sacrifice fun time to study more, but isn't this what I signed up for? Why would I complain when there are people heartbroken because they couldn't get in the program? I am blessed. I have such a great learning opportunity, and I'm very fortunate to have gotten accepted. But I have been choosing to ignore that and instead complain about how hard it will be. Suck it up and do it. If I don't want to do it, I don't have to. I could easily just quite and pick a different major. But, I would consider that as a failure. Not because I chose a different path, but because I let the degree of difficulty persuade me.
I hear people say, and I have said as well, regarding a school year, "I'm going to die this semester." I could scream at myself for saying that. Really? Could we be more dramatic? I'm pretty sure no one has ever died from school being hard. Quite the opposite... I have never not seen growth after a hard school semester. So shouldn't we count that as a blessing? Such ironic beings we are.... wanting wisdom, and strength, and knowledge, and skills, yet not wanting to do anything to attain them.


I hope this has maybe opened eyes to evaluating how you view things, and hopefully it will encourage you to make the best of everything difficult in life that comes your way.
Obviously this won't keep me from complaining, but the more aware I am that I do it for no reason, and the more people that can point out when I'm dramatic and encourage me to see it as a blessing, the better I will become at making the best of all difficulties I'm faced with.

Living by the Spirit's Power

Today, I read Galatians during my personal Bible study time. (As a side note, I've really been enjoying and learning a lot from reading a whole book of the Bible at a time; you should try it.) Galatians isn't too long, 6 chapters. But a certain set of verses stuck out to me more than the rest of the book. 

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses. -Galatians 5:16-18 NLT

I was "saved" (accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord) at the age of 7. Did I actually understand the fullness and depth of that commitment? Of course not. But I accepted it and wanted to live for Christ as much as my 7 year old heart and mind knew how. And somewhere between that commitment and where I am now in my spiritual walk, it became a deeper commitment. 
Around the ages of 13-16 though, I think I was caught in the middle of my commitments to Christ. I was smarter and had a better understanding than when I was 7, but I don't think I was Spirit-filled. And I say that because my decisions and my thinking during those ages were that of trying not to do wrong rather than please God. I had heard someone preach (I don't actually remember who), and they made a brief comment about we all sin everyday. That bothered me. Because I would lay down in my bed at night and think, "God, I didn't lie today, I obeyed my parents, I was nice to my friends, so what was my sin today?" 
Granted I was only a preteen, I was trying to live by a law rather than filled with the Spirit. Of course, I didn't understand the difference quite yet. But anyways, I was stuck on the list of "don'ts". This is just a tiny example that came to my mind when I read this passage about living in the Spirit. Not to say I'm anywhere near perfect now, and I definitely can always be learning, but as I look back, today is different than those years of my life because I'm no longer stuck on "What am I supposed to not do?" As I live out my life day-to-day, I focus on "Is this pleasing to God?" This mentality sure does take off a burden. Maybe God had something going when He gave us the Spirit to guide our lives. 

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. -Galatians 5:19-21 NLT

WOW! That to me is harsh. and scary. Because I think of myself as well as others who commit these sins quite often yet are "Christians". It just shows the importance of living a Holy Spirit driven life. If we strive to please God, the Spirit will give us the power and desire to stay away from these sins that lead to destruction. 

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another. -Galatians 5:22-26 NLT

 Be thankful you live in the days of the Holy Spirit and not the days where we would be slave to the law. Take advantage that we can have the Holy Spirit every second of every day.


Jesus speaking: "But now I am going away to the One who sent me, and not one of you is asking where I am going. Instead, you grieve because of what I've told you. But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don't, the Advocate [Holy Spirit] won't come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you." John 16:5-7 NLT

 

The Hall and The Rooms

So I have started reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Although I am not very far into it, I read something I thought worthy of sharing.

I hope no reader will suppose that 'mere' Christianity is here put forward as an alternative to the creeds of the existing communions -- as if a man could adopt it in preference to Congregationalism or Greek Orthodoxy or anything else. It is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted. But it is in the rooms, not the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable. It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by its paint and panelling. In plain language, the question should never be: 'Do I like that kind of service?' but 'Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here? Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?'

When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house. 1

We too often divide ourselves based on our differences rather than uniting because of our commonalities. Personally, I feel God is probably deeply disappointed in our bickering and arguing. Lewis makes another point that I think is extremely important to take note of:

In the first place, the questions which divide Christians from one another often involve points of high Theology or even of ecclesiastical history, which ought never to be treated except by real experts. I should have been out of my depth in such waters: more in need of help myself than able to help others. And secondly, I think we must admit that the discussion of these disputed points has no tendency at all to bring an outsider into the Christian fold. So long as we write and talk about them we are much more likely to deter him from entering any Christian communion than to draw him into our own. Our divisions should never be discussed except in the presence of those who have already come to believe that there is one God and that Jesus Christ is His only Son. 2 

Let us be obedient to the Word of our Heavenly Father; Jesus encourages us to share with those who are in need of the Gospel and who know they are sinners: Mark 2:17 "When Jesus heard this, he told them, 'Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.'"
I have been learning that I can do nothing more than pray for those who claim to be "Christians" but do not live as if their lives are in the hands of our Creator. No matter how strong my words, how gentle my attitude towards them, a self-righteous person, someone following their own desires, will not listen to me nor hear others trying to teach and encourage them unless God softens their heart. So how do I respond to such discouragement? Pray for God to do what I cannot; and while praying, invest my time in those who know they are sinners and need Christ.

I have decided to give of myself to those who will receive what God is giving through me. And I will encourage those who are already faithful servants to our Lord, Jesus Christ.

"Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works." Hebrews 10:24

 

1 Lewis, C.S. Mere Christianity. HarperOne: New York, NY. 1952. pages XV-XVI. 
2 Lewis, C.S. Mere Christianity.pages VIII-IX.