We've all been there.
I've never heard anyone say that they have never felt lonely even once in their life. It's something that sadly everyone has experienced.
But I believe it's getting worse and more widespread.
We're all slowly slipping away and I feel like there's one major contributor: technology.
While it is great and can be wonderful when not used in overload, it causes us to distance ourselves. We don't even notice though because we still talk to people on Facebook; we still get Twitter updates from friends every 10 minutes; we still text friends all day long. But we are talking to something inanimate. We have no connection when it's over electronics. Even if mentally we are talking to a friend, emotionally it feels like there's no one there.
Obviously technology is not "bad". I use Facebook all the time, and I text probably more than necessary. But let's get back to spending real time with people.
The more you're with someone, the more open you become. Let's get real with one another; let's share our struggles and joys; let's laugh and cry together: in person.
No more hiding behind an electronic icon of someone desperately crying out for someone to notice and care. I'm tired of watching the number of people who are lonely rise exponentially.
Take the initiative. No more pity parties for being lonely when there's a phone right next to you and 100 other people who are feeling the same way.
Call me. And instead of playing Words With Friends all day, let's cry together over our heartbreaks and then go play frisbee.
July 21, 2011
May 16, 2011
I'll Embrace Dreams Again When I Can Breathe Again.
"I'll embrace dreams again when I can breathe again, and at that point, I won't be needing them."
God's Will... an interesting discussion I've had countless times. And before you tune my opinions or questions out because you think you have God all "figured out", have an open mind to my free-flowing thoughts; they are not my set-in-stone beliefs or doctrines. Although God reveals His character through His Word, don't be so quick to put Him in a box and think you have Him all figured out. God is exponentially larger, more powerful, more knowledgeable, more loving, and more Divine than you and I can comprehend or dare to imagine.
For some background information, and this will get quite lengthy, my senior year I was undecided about where I would attend college until I was almost graduated. I had it narrowed down to Free Will Baptist Bible College (Nashville, TN) and Liberty University (Lynchburg, VA): two very different, besides being Christian, schools. One very small, the other quite large; one strict, one with more freedom; one free will baptist, one derived from southern baptist beliefs. Through my struggle to choose, I finally felt confident saying I would be a Liberty University student. But there was one problem... somewhere along the lines of filling out financial aid and housing arrangements, I realized how uneasy I felt about my decision. So of course I took it to my Heavenly Father in prayer before letting anyone know I had doubts. I asked for a specific (not something specific that I came up with, but a specific sign) sign... one that I couldn't overlook or be oblivious to knowing it was God giving me direction. At my cousin's graduation party, a man (well, a distant relative I had never met) came up to me and said something very similar to "I heard you may move to Nashville, TN. I've lived there and I think you should go if you have the chance because you'd really love it there." To some that may seem silly, but it was clear as day to me that God was telling me I should go to FWBBC and not LU. So I went.
Towards the end of my freshman year at FWBBC, I didn't know where I'd attend the following year. I finally made it official that I wanted to do nursing. So now what? Stay with FWBBC's nursing program and transfer to Belmont? Transfer to a different school in the area? Go back to MI? Go to Liberty? I had no clue. I prayed and prayed; I talked to many people whose advice I trusted, yet I still felt no direction. This led me to change my belief on something I felt I'd been taught my whole life: (in a loud, deep, Heavenly voice) "Sarah, you must find God's Will for your life or you will have messed up your whole life!" ... as if it were this one path of thousands and I had to try and find it. No one ever specifically said this to me, it just felt like it's what I was taught my whole life.
After going through this frustrating battle of where to go to college yet again, I believe God revealed to me one of the most important lessons I've learned: while God does have a plan, purpose, and will for our lives, I refuse to believe it is one absolute path where we must pick the "right way" in every decision or we fail at following God's Will and ultimately, fail at finding our purpose in life. Obviously I believe if the Holy Spirit is telling you not to go one direction and you take that path that you are disobeying Him, and I believe if He is calling you specifically somewhere and you don't go that you are being disobedient, but if neither of those are true, I think you will be in "God's Will" if you're seeking Him wholeheartedly and serving where He has placed you in the present. I know some will disagree with me, and that is okay. But just to be clear, I am not saying at all that God doesn't have a Will for our lives, and I am not saying we can go wherever we think He wants us. But when I am unsure of the direction my life should be going and I feel no guidance, I put my hope in Jeremiah 29:13 "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."
Now to my present day internal battle for God's Will for my life.... I was just accepted into U of M - Flint's nursing program, and I will start in the fall. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and am so happy I got in. But I can't help but wonder if I'm going the right direction. While I've specifically told very few (and am even nervous to share now), some may have noticed music is my passion. As far as I know of myself, it is my number one passion. Yeah, it is a very common passion for people; lots of people love music and many more people are far more talented than I. I just wonder though, how did I choose nursing or feel led to it? Did God really lead me to that decision? Was it the easiest path so I took it? Did I subconsciously choose that career so I could live a safe, average, American life to have job security, get married, have a family, and help out at my church? Did God give me a love of people and a science/math brain, as opposed to a history or english brain, so that I would be led to nursing because it actually is His plan for my life? I have no clue...
Is it possible I'm scared to step out in faith and surrender my life completely so I just make myself believe His purpose for me is to be a nurse? I'm not saying that's impossible...
If everyone were 100% surrendered to Him, would He lead us all to a ministry that would be our career? It's possible, but probably not. God made us all different. I'm sure He designed some people to have a job, raise a family, and be a light to those surrounding them. And this is not at all degrading them, because we need many people to live those lives since that is what the majority of other Americans do and then we can interact with them. Even though some may treat these people as if they are inferior, they are not any less important than a pastor, worship leader, or missionary. Yes they're leaders and will be held accountable for their teachings, but we tend to put them on a pedestal.
So if I am doing nursing, how do I know I shouldn't be doing something with music which is where my passion is? Did God give me the desire to do that so I'd use it? I have a passion for nursing also, but music has always been my top desire and love. Can either path be God's Will if He hasn't led me towards or away from one specifically? And if I convince myself God's Will is for me to do music, will I know if that is just my own selfishness for what I want disguised as me following "God's Will"? Is music just a silly, childhood dream that I want to chase?
I have no answers, just a heart abandoned to His Will for my life but is battling the urge to do what will make me happy and trying to discover what is actually His Will rather than my will disguised as one much greater.
God's Will... an interesting discussion I've had countless times. And before you tune my opinions or questions out because you think you have God all "figured out", have an open mind to my free-flowing thoughts; they are not my set-in-stone beliefs or doctrines. Although God reveals His character through His Word, don't be so quick to put Him in a box and think you have Him all figured out. God is exponentially larger, more powerful, more knowledgeable, more loving, and more Divine than you and I can comprehend or dare to imagine.
For some background information, and this will get quite lengthy, my senior year I was undecided about where I would attend college until I was almost graduated. I had it narrowed down to Free Will Baptist Bible College (Nashville, TN) and Liberty University (Lynchburg, VA): two very different, besides being Christian, schools. One very small, the other quite large; one strict, one with more freedom; one free will baptist, one derived from southern baptist beliefs. Through my struggle to choose, I finally felt confident saying I would be a Liberty University student. But there was one problem... somewhere along the lines of filling out financial aid and housing arrangements, I realized how uneasy I felt about my decision. So of course I took it to my Heavenly Father in prayer before letting anyone know I had doubts. I asked for a specific (not something specific that I came up with, but a specific sign) sign... one that I couldn't overlook or be oblivious to knowing it was God giving me direction. At my cousin's graduation party, a man (well, a distant relative I had never met) came up to me and said something very similar to "I heard you may move to Nashville, TN. I've lived there and I think you should go if you have the chance because you'd really love it there." To some that may seem silly, but it was clear as day to me that God was telling me I should go to FWBBC and not LU. So I went.
Towards the end of my freshman year at FWBBC, I didn't know where I'd attend the following year. I finally made it official that I wanted to do nursing. So now what? Stay with FWBBC's nursing program and transfer to Belmont? Transfer to a different school in the area? Go back to MI? Go to Liberty? I had no clue. I prayed and prayed; I talked to many people whose advice I trusted, yet I still felt no direction. This led me to change my belief on something I felt I'd been taught my whole life: (in a loud, deep, Heavenly voice) "Sarah, you must find God's Will for your life or you will have messed up your whole life!" ... as if it were this one path of thousands and I had to try and find it. No one ever specifically said this to me, it just felt like it's what I was taught my whole life.
After going through this frustrating battle of where to go to college yet again, I believe God revealed to me one of the most important lessons I've learned: while God does have a plan, purpose, and will for our lives, I refuse to believe it is one absolute path where we must pick the "right way" in every decision or we fail at following God's Will and ultimately, fail at finding our purpose in life. Obviously I believe if the Holy Spirit is telling you not to go one direction and you take that path that you are disobeying Him, and I believe if He is calling you specifically somewhere and you don't go that you are being disobedient, but if neither of those are true, I think you will be in "God's Will" if you're seeking Him wholeheartedly and serving where He has placed you in the present. I know some will disagree with me, and that is okay. But just to be clear, I am not saying at all that God doesn't have a Will for our lives, and I am not saying we can go wherever we think He wants us. But when I am unsure of the direction my life should be going and I feel no guidance, I put my hope in Jeremiah 29:13 "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."
Now to my present day internal battle for God's Will for my life.... I was just accepted into U of M - Flint's nursing program, and I will start in the fall. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and am so happy I got in. But I can't help but wonder if I'm going the right direction. While I've specifically told very few (and am even nervous to share now), some may have noticed music is my passion. As far as I know of myself, it is my number one passion. Yeah, it is a very common passion for people; lots of people love music and many more people are far more talented than I. I just wonder though, how did I choose nursing or feel led to it? Did God really lead me to that decision? Was it the easiest path so I took it? Did I subconsciously choose that career so I could live a safe, average, American life to have job security, get married, have a family, and help out at my church? Did God give me a love of people and a science/math brain, as opposed to a history or english brain, so that I would be led to nursing because it actually is His plan for my life? I have no clue...
Is it possible I'm scared to step out in faith and surrender my life completely so I just make myself believe His purpose for me is to be a nurse? I'm not saying that's impossible...
If everyone were 100% surrendered to Him, would He lead us all to a ministry that would be our career? It's possible, but probably not. God made us all different. I'm sure He designed some people to have a job, raise a family, and be a light to those surrounding them. And this is not at all degrading them, because we need many people to live those lives since that is what the majority of other Americans do and then we can interact with them. Even though some may treat these people as if they are inferior, they are not any less important than a pastor, worship leader, or missionary. Yes they're leaders and will be held accountable for their teachings, but we tend to put them on a pedestal.
So if I am doing nursing, how do I know I shouldn't be doing something with music which is where my passion is? Did God give me the desire to do that so I'd use it? I have a passion for nursing also, but music has always been my top desire and love. Can either path be God's Will if He hasn't led me towards or away from one specifically? And if I convince myself God's Will is for me to do music, will I know if that is just my own selfishness for what I want disguised as me following "God's Will"? Is music just a silly, childhood dream that I want to chase?
I have no answers, just a heart abandoned to His Will for my life but is battling the urge to do what will make me happy and trying to discover what is actually His Will rather than my will disguised as one much greater.
April 28, 2011
Rebellion from Ignorance
Where do I begin?
My emotions pouring out faster than my hand can pen out.
How did we get here? And why did this happen?
And will I be forced to live with failure...
Church. My second home.
The one I've grown up in; the only one I know.
And to see it going this way...
But you see, this is not the result of trauma or a sudden conflict. It has been a gradual enemy tearing us down.
Unlike the others, I haven't been blind.
I've been praying all along. For help. For strength. For a change in hearts. For revival.
And now when I go to God with a broken heart, I am speechless. Because I've nothing more to say.
I feel overwhelmed. powerless. helpless. weak. afraid.
But I can not seem to make myself give up.
I will continue to go to my Father even if when I open my mouth out of pain, no words come out.
I will rely on Him when my faith for change is running dry.
I've done all I can see to do that my poor, weak body is capable of.
And what are the results?
None.
Without any pride involved, I cannot yet leave.
For in the humblest way, I feel I give and give until I can give no more.
But I will find a way to push myself a step further, while I die from starvation.
Yes. The place I should go to be filled leaves me empty, hungry, desperate.
But I will not go because I refuse to lose hope when this place belongs to the Almighty Creator.
Overwhelmed. Burdened. Exhausted.
I will not give up. I will continue to reach my hands out in desperation.
For my God saves, heals, renews, and restores.
I plead for others to join me in this rebellion from ignorance.
But I am left alone.
I cry for help for others to give and serve.
But I am left alone.
I scream for anyone to hear me and acknowledge this tragedy.
But they turn away.
I am left alone.
And from the depths of my heart, I fight the urge to join the crowd and walk away.
What an easy path to take...
To be blind to it all; I refuse.
Somehow, I pray God will use me to turn it all around: my helpless, insignificant, with-little-to-offer self.
I will give all I have. and then some.
Because this is not just my childhood, or a tradition, or my pride.
This is the my Father's house. To reach out to the lost.
And if it dies, what will remain besides ashes and souls looking for a savior?
Even when they turn their backs, when they choose ignorance, when they call me crazy:
I will pray for a change in the collective heart in this 'body of Christ'.
Even if I stand alone.
Even if I cry alone.
My God will wipe away my tears.
So this is me.
My burden. My heart.
And with God as the only source of strength within me, when every soul has turned their back to my desperation, I will stand though none stand with me.
My emotions pouring out faster than my hand can pen out.
How did we get here? And why did this happen?
And will I be forced to live with failure...
Church. My second home.
The one I've grown up in; the only one I know.
And to see it going this way...
But you see, this is not the result of trauma or a sudden conflict. It has been a gradual enemy tearing us down.
Unlike the others, I haven't been blind.
I've been praying all along. For help. For strength. For a change in hearts. For revival.
And now when I go to God with a broken heart, I am speechless. Because I've nothing more to say.
I feel overwhelmed. powerless. helpless. weak. afraid.
But I can not seem to make myself give up.
I will continue to go to my Father even if when I open my mouth out of pain, no words come out.
I will rely on Him when my faith for change is running dry.
I've done all I can see to do that my poor, weak body is capable of.
And what are the results?
None.
Without any pride involved, I cannot yet leave.
For in the humblest way, I feel I give and give until I can give no more.
But I will find a way to push myself a step further, while I die from starvation.
Yes. The place I should go to be filled leaves me empty, hungry, desperate.
But I will not go because I refuse to lose hope when this place belongs to the Almighty Creator.
Overwhelmed. Burdened. Exhausted.
I will not give up. I will continue to reach my hands out in desperation.
For my God saves, heals, renews, and restores.
I plead for others to join me in this rebellion from ignorance.
But I am left alone.
I cry for help for others to give and serve.
But I am left alone.
I scream for anyone to hear me and acknowledge this tragedy.
But they turn away.
I am left alone.
And from the depths of my heart, I fight the urge to join the crowd and walk away.
What an easy path to take...
To be blind to it all; I refuse.
Somehow, I pray God will use me to turn it all around: my helpless, insignificant, with-little-to-offer self.
I will give all I have. and then some.
Because this is not just my childhood, or a tradition, or my pride.
This is the my Father's house. To reach out to the lost.
And if it dies, what will remain besides ashes and souls looking for a savior?
Even when they turn their backs, when they choose ignorance, when they call me crazy:
I will pray for a change in the collective heart in this 'body of Christ'.
Even if I stand alone.
Even if I cry alone.
My God will wipe away my tears.
So this is me.
My burden. My heart.
And with God as the only source of strength within me, when every soul has turned their back to my desperation, I will stand though none stand with me.
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