I suffer from older brother syndrome. If you know me, yes, I'm an only child. I don't have any secret siblings. I'm referring to the older brother in the "Parable of the Prodigal Son" from Luke 15. I've heard tens of sermons preached on the prodigal son where the focus is the younger son who takes his inheritance and leaves. I'll be prompted towards the end of the sermon to evaluate my life and if I need to "come home." To be honest, most times I'm sitting there trying to make a case against myself how I've spiritually "run away" when I haven't. I've heard maybe a few sermons preached on the older brother. I just read a whole chapter of a book, Experiencing Father's Embrace by Jack Frost, that focuses on the older brother. Not that I can judge everyone's heart, but after reading it, I feel like more Christians and churches have older brother syndrome than younger brother syndrome, but he is never the brother of topic. So, I'm simply going to explain briefly a view at the concept of "Older Brother Syndrome" as presented in the book and my experience relating to it.
The first time we hear of the older brother in Luke 15 is in verse 25. He is working in the field. When he hears of what the cause is for the music and dancing, he becomes angry and doesn't go in to celebrate with his father and younger brother. How many times have we been bitter or jealous at someone else's success? I'm going to be transparent here, and it won't be pretty. I felt like that often through my teenage years and even into my early adulthood - if you know how old I am, yes, that was until very recently. In church, I felt this unspoken competitive spirit against other Christians in the church. Not always, but sometimes. I wasn't able to experience complete joy in my brothers' and sisters' successes because of where my heart was at. For example, if someone else became good at something I was also good at, it felt like a threat. It felt like a threat because I feared not being needed. I feared being replaced. I feared not being good enough. Why was this? Because I didn't understand how God's love worked.
"There is nothing you can do to be loved by Him any more than you already are. And there is nothing you can do to lessen His love."
I hadn't experienced that. I hadn't come to the understanding that it didn't matter what I did at church: God still loved me the same. He loved me the same if I went faithfully every Sunday, was part of the worship team, and served in the nursery, or if I came in once a month and was never involved. My performance does not change His feelings towards me. I can't make Him love me less by sinning and I can't make Him love me more by serving. His love is unconditional. Period.
I never realized I was affected by the older brother syndrome until I recently read this chapter and looked back. I've compared how I operated in church 2 years ago to where I am today. Today, I can go to church and leave without serving, tithing... anything! And I don't feel guilty or condemned. I can go to church, serve in the nursery, bring my tithe, and know I'm not better than anyone else. I don't feel an obligation to be somewhere or do something anymore. Now when I serve or participate in an outreach, it is because I desire to. I want to. Another problem with older brother syndrome is that you subconsciously require of other people the standard you've put on yourself. When I was operating in performance mode, I felt as if I couldn't miss a church event. If I wasn't in class or at work, I felt obligated to go even if I had things to do like homework. I should plan ahead and do my homework some other time, right? I mean, after all, I'm only a "good" Christian if I'm at all the church events every time I'm free. Because of thinking this way, I put pressure on others to do the same. I would enthusiastically invite others, not that there wasn't any sincere joy and excitement, but then internally be disappointed or judgmental if they couldn't make it. Performance and law don't leave room for "I'm busy" or "I just need to stay home and rest today." They require perfection and leave no room for grace.
As I'm still recovering from older brother syndrome and learning to operate out of sincere love and desire that overflows from my relationship with God, I have to make sure I examine my motives simply to make sure I am operating out of love rather than obligation. I have to put aside insecurity and the fear that I will be judged for not going to a church event. Thankfully, I'm blessed to be in a church environment where I know I'm not being judged at all . This allows me to live freely, and when you live freely, there is joy in doing.
