My Current Quest

*This is going to be very vague just for the purpose of length.*

God has really been teaching me this semester about trusting in Him. And I don't mean that lightly. He has humbled me, taken away my pride, and caused me to trust in nothing but Himself even to the point of having peace that if I am not "successful", it is okay because life here is temporary. I've been really struggling in how to handle my life and how to balance it. What things do I "give up" or stop doing when I can't seem to handle them all, but yet they all seem so important to me and are a way I serve God? I've been torn. Luckily, God knows that. He knows I haven't been able to give anything up even though I can't handle it all. And because of that, He is providing an out for me. I'm so thankful that God will provide for us. I'm so thankful that when we can't do things on our own but are striving to serve Him, that He will provide the means we need to get through it. I hope this makes sense without the details included. 

God is literally making me stop doing something. I didn't choose it; I didn't feel a peace about "quitting" something I'm a part of. I literally will not be able to fit each thing I've done this semester into next semester. And that is a blessing in disguise. To me, it is God saying, "It's okay, I've got this. I know you feel like you can't hear me or feel me leading, so I will show you what to give up by making it to where you can't do it." I am so thankful for His intervention in my life at this point. I can't even explain it. 

I'm not even sure the point of this blog besides that fact that I am overwhelmed that I don't have to try and figure out what I'm supposed to do. God is just setting it up to where I don't have to pick. Instead, it will be impossible for me to be a part of a certain group. Hopefully this will just be an encouragement to you that God will make a way for you to do His will if you're striving and can't seem to figure it out on your own. He will never punish or ignore a seeking heart. 

I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me. Proverbs 8:17

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.' Jeremiah 29:11-13

Our Weakness, His Power.

Paul writing:

...So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.          2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT

     Can you relate to Paul at all? Have you ever, even once in your life, asked God to take away something that was painful? It's the most natural response to something hurtful, uncomfortable, or painful: we want it gone, and we want it gone now. But, God didn't just grant Paul's wish and remove this thorn. Instead, He gave Paul a new perspective of it which was for His glory. 
     Let's be real. I don't know about others, but I know that the first thing that comes to mind when I have a "thorn in my flesh" isn't, "God, thank you for this weakness so you may be glorified!" It's usually, "God, why?", or "Will you please take this away?" And I'm ashamed to say, even after I may have realized my bad attitude towards a particular situation, I still can't say with confidence that I always search for a way to make God known in my weakness. It's a pride issue. No one wants to be weak. No one wants to be seen when they're feeling weak. And lately, God has been teaching me to let go of that pride I have in myself and instead boast in Him alone. 
     Another observation I wanted to point out is just how quickly Paul's attitude does change. The verse after God tells Paul that His grace is sufficient (v.9), Paul says he is now glad to boast in weaknesses. I am not that quick of a learner. When God is teaching me a lesson, it usually takes a long time for me to learn it with multiple situations to reinforce. But, I am thankful that with a searching and willing heart, God will continue to teach us and transform us. 


     This isn't very theological or in-depth, but I hope it is an encouragement to let God use your weakest moments for His power to shine. I want my attitude at my next moment of weakness to be, "God, please show your grace through this situation, and give me strength that only you can take credit for." After all, if He created us, any strength we have is from Him in the first place. So why are we boasting in anything but Him?