Taking the Unexpected Route

Often times when I decide to go to God for some guidance, I have a preconceived idea about what He is going to say or what I subconsciously am hoping He'll say. Anyone out there on the same page? It's not that I want to want my own way - otherwise I wouldn't be seeking God's advice in the first place. It's just that I'm human. But, the key to all relationships, including that with our Heavenly Father, is communication. The key to knowing, seeking out, and discerning what God may or may not want me to do is talking with Him just like I would with my husband or best friend.

In Exodus 13-14, the Israelites are being led by Moses (through God's direction) out of Egypt. But, we're informed of an interesting point:

When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, "If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle.    Exodus 13:17-18 NLT

God didn't lead the Israelites along the shortest path or, in my application for modern terms, the path that looked the easiest and made the most sense. Why does God do this? Well, who knows. For many reasons. But, He did give us at least one. God explained that if the Israelites were faced with a battle, they may turn around. Because of fear, they may have turned around and chosen slavery over freedom when God had already promised to deliver them. Since God knows us intricately though and because He is gracious, He took them on a different route. It wasn't necessarily the expected route, the easier route, or route that made the most sense humanly, but God knew what would be best for the Israelites. God's plan for us doesn't always make sense to other people (or to us for that matter), and it may not be the shortest route to get from point A to point B. But, we can trust God to know what's best and to know what we need better than we do. 

There is also another reason why God may do this. In chapter 14 verse 3, the Lord tells Moses that by taking this route instead of the logical and shorter route, Pharaoh will be confused. 

Then the Lord gave these instructions to Moses: ... Then Pharaoh will think, "The Israelites are confused. They are trapped in the wilderness!"      Exodus 14:1,3

By taking the unexpected route, God gives the Israelites the advantage of confusing their enemy. 

For the next 10 or so verses (14:5-12) Pharaoh and his army decide to chase after the Israelites. They even began to overtake them as we see from verse 10. The Israelites begin to question Moses and his ability/plan, to which Moses replies,

Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.     Exodus 14:13-14

My favorite part is God's response (especially in this particular translation): 

Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!"     Exodus 14:15

What I love about this response is that it demonstrates a balance between doing the unexpected when God says as well as doing what seems logical. The Egyptians were overtaking the Israelites, Moses in his humility was reassuring the Israelites that God would rescue them, and God just says, "Get moving!" To me, this passage just reinforces the fact that we need to always be listening for God's guidance. He may say, "Be still. I'll take care of this." Or, He may say, "Do something!" Either way, it's vital that we rely on and communicate with our Daddy who knows the best route for every circumstance, whether logical or unexpected.         

A Year of Testimonies

One year ago it seemed as if we were facing Mt. Everest.

When you make a 900 mile drive... twice... for vacation, which we recently did, it gives you a lot of thinking time. And since on our trip home hubby fell asleep for a couple hours, I had a good amount of time to reflect. God took me through memories of the past year and reminded me of all the little details that came together for us to get where we are today.

Last year at this time, I was trying to plan a wedding as well as figure out with my husband-to-be how we were going to move to South Carolina and get jobs. Beginning chronologically, when we got engaged, May 15, 2012, I had not found a summer job yet. Every year for the past 5 years, I had returned to my parents and worked at an ice cream shop. At this time living with my grandparents, having most of my friends in that area, and being newly engaged, I wanted to stay there for the summer. Having already been looking for jobs with no success, I was becoming quite discouraged. After only three days of being engaged, I was debating returning to my parents where I’d be far from my friends and far from my new fiancé, not exactly what I thought would be best for me, but I was beginning to get desperate. This day in particular the internet was out so I had gone to a McDonald’s parking lot to use the wireless internet for a few minutes. Being overwhelmed with discouragement, I was sitting there sobbing. Phone in my lap, without it ringing yet having service, my phone said I had a new voicemail. Odd enough as it was that it never rang, I listened to it. “Hi Sarah, this is ____. We had an interview the other day, and I think you’d be perfect for the position we’re hiring for. If you’re interested give me a call back.” I was in shock. At the perfect timing, God supplied me with a job that would suit my current circumstances. He is so good.

Also on our minds was how we planned on paying for the wedding. Since we got engaged semi-quickly, I didn’t want to expect anything from my parents or his. Jame and I chose right away to rely on the Lord and have a small backyard wedding if we had to, but, my parents generously helped to pay for our wedding! Deep down I had been praying God would provide money so I could have the wedding of my dreams , and He did! It was absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. I loved our location. I loved my dress. I was so thankful for how many people were able to come and celebrate. I was thankful to be marrying my best friend. And like every girl should, I felt like a princess all day long.  We were able to have a gorgeous wedding and reception. God fulfilled the desires of my heart for my wedding day through my parents’ generosity.

In July, I made a new friend. This friend got me a job at a daycare. I had never worked at a daycare but I did have experience with children and desired to have a job in childcare. Although it seemed rather silly to me for them to hire me in July knowing that I’d be leaving in October, I was thankful and knew it was God’s grace that I received that job.

In August, we had a wonderful opportunity to meet our to-be pastors who we had only known through listening to their sermons on podcasts. They happened to be coming to Michigan for vacation and were able to get together. We trusted their teachings, Jameson’s sister had gone to a church they were former assistant pastors of, and we had been in email and telephone contact with them, but actually meeting them put a lot of anxiety to rest and they gave us tremendous encouragement.

We had begun the process of looking for apartments in late August or early September, but most required that you have a pay stub proving you had a job in the area. Obviously we could not provide that. (Besides the fact, we can’t get jobs without somewhere to live.) It seemed more and more difficult to find a home as well as more and more terrifying imaging moving without having a home. ­­­Towards the end of September, we decided to make a trip down to SC to visit the church and look for a home. Jameson had made some appointments and the week we were to leave, they all got cancelled. As imaginable, it was extremely discouraging. He prayed with a friend who encouraged us to take a step of faith and come down anyways. It would be good to visit the area before moving anyways. So, we continued with our trip as planned. We came down on a Friday. Since we were leaving Sunday night, we called around everywhere Saturday morning trying to get appointments. We got three! If you ask me, that’s a miracle in itself to get three tours last minute on a Saturday. On one specific tour we spoke with the landlord about our situation and explained we needed to know we’d have somewhere to live. By God’s grace, she told us she could rent us the townhouse, if we decided we wanted it, without running background checks first. She trusted us to be cleared. After discussing and praying, Sunday after church, we signed our first lease! What a relief. God gave us a home for when we were to move.

After the trip, we had about three weeks until our wedding. We finished working, hammering out details, and then we got hitched on October 19th! We went on a honeymoon to Isle of Palms, and yes, we swam in the ocean in October. After all, we were northerners in the south, so it was warm enough :) Since we didn’t have jobs lined up yet, it seemed scary trying to imagine how bills would get paid. Amazingly, God blessed us at our wedding with plenty of financial provision!

Not shortly after moving down (early November), Jameson got hired as a tile setter full-time and I was hired part-time at a daycare! I had searched for two weeks without any success of even getting an interview, then one day I took my resume to a daycare, she offered me an interview for the next morning, and the following day I was offered the job! It felt like God just dropped it right into my lap. And little did I know before moving, the resume I needed to get it was provided by working only 4 months at a daycare in Michigan. Also little did I know, it would be an amazing facility where I would be treated well and I would love working there.

To start wrapping up since this is getting long, I’ll briefly mention all the other blessings that have happened in the past 8 months. We were able to go home to Michigan for Christmas for an entire week, Jameson got a new job doing photography that isn't exhausting on his body and we see each other more, we were recently able to take a visit to Michigan while getting to attend my cousin’s wedding, AND I've been accepted to a nursing program down here. For those who didn't know, I was in a nursing program when we felt God tell us to move, and I did withdraw without knowing whether or not there would be a university near us or if I could get into another program. He knew all along there was a school here with a great nursing program!

In hindsight, it seemed like the past year wasn't that difficult, yet during all those times, they were some of the scariest times. God held our hands, walked with us, and provided every step of the way and still is. Never underestimate your Daddy’s love for you and His desire to provide and bless you!

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?” 

Matthew 6:25-26

Older Brother Syndrome

I suffer from older brother syndrome. If you know me, yes, I'm an only child. I don't have any secret siblings. I'm referring to the older brother in the "Parable of the Prodigal Son" from Luke 15. I've heard tens of sermons preached on the prodigal son where the focus is the younger son who takes his inheritance and leaves. I'll be prompted towards the end of the sermon to evaluate my life and if I need to "come home." To be honest, most times I'm sitting there trying to make a case against myself how I've spiritually "run away" when I haven't. I've heard maybe a few sermons preached on the older brother. I just read a whole chapter of a book, Experiencing Father's Embrace by Jack Frost, that focuses on the older brother. Not that I can judge everyone's heart, but after reading it, I feel like more Christians and churches have older brother syndrome than younger brother syndrome, but he is never the brother of topic. So, I'm simply going to explain briefly a view at the concept of "Older Brother Syndrome" as presented in the book and my experience relating to it.

The first time we hear of the older brother in Luke 15 is in verse 25. He is working in the field. When he hears of what the cause is for the music and dancing, he becomes angry and doesn't go in to celebrate with his father and younger brother. How many times have we been bitter or jealous at someone else's success? I'm going to be transparent here, and it won't be pretty. I felt like that often through my teenage years and even into my early adulthood - if you know how old I am, yes, that was until very recently. In church, I felt this unspoken competitive spirit against other Christians in the church. Not always, but sometimes. I wasn't able to experience complete joy in my brothers' and sisters' successes because of where my heart was at. For example, if someone else became good at something I was also good at, it felt like a threat. It felt like a threat because I feared not being needed. I feared being replaced. I feared not being good enough. Why was this? Because I didn't understand how God's love worked. 
"There is nothing you can do to be loved by Him any more than you already are. And there is nothing you can do to lessen His love." 
I hadn't experienced that. I hadn't come to the understanding that it didn't matter what I did at church: God still loved me the same. He loved me the same if I went faithfully every Sunday, was part of the worship team, and served in the nursery, or if I came in once a month and was never involved. My performance does not change His feelings towards me. I can't make Him love me less by sinning and I can't make Him love me more by serving. His love is unconditional. Period. 

I never realized I was affected by the older brother syndrome until I recently read this chapter and looked back. I've compared how I operated in church 2 years ago to where I am today. Today, I can go to church and leave without serving, tithing... anything! And I don't feel guilty or condemned. I can go to church, serve in the nursery, bring my tithe, and know I'm not better than anyone else. I don't feel an obligation to be somewhere or do something anymore. Now when I serve or participate in an outreach, it is because I desire to. I want to. Another problem with older brother syndrome is that you subconsciously require of other people the standard you've put on yourself. When I was operating in performance mode, I felt as if I couldn't miss a church event. If I wasn't in class or at work, I felt obligated to go even if I had things to do like homework. I should plan ahead and do my homework some other time, right? I mean, after all, I'm only a "good" Christian if I'm at all the church events every time I'm free. Because of thinking this way, I put pressure on others to do the same. I would enthusiastically invite others, not that there wasn't any sincere joy and excitement, but then internally be disappointed or judgmental if they couldn't make it. Performance and law don't leave room for "I'm busy" or "I just need to stay home and rest today." They require perfection and leave no room for grace. 

As I'm still recovering from older brother syndrome and learning to operate out of sincere love and desire that overflows from my relationship with God, I have to make sure I examine my motives simply to make sure I am operating out of love rather than obligation. I have to put aside insecurity and the fear that I will be judged for not going to a church event. Thankfully, I'm blessed to be in a church environment where I know I'm not being judged at all . This allows me to live freely, and when you live freely, there is joy in doing. 

Maturity in Relationships

I can say no to God. He can say no to me. And we can still love each other the same. No, I'm not recommending disobedience. I'm trying to express this new found freedom in relationship. We've all heard that we should have relationship with God, but how many people actually operate out of that? I'd guess not very many. Instead we pray to God as if we're reading off a checklist and He's some distant person that we owe for giving us salvation. But, we don't operate this way because we want to. We just don't know another way. 

Recently I've been reading the book Boundaries by Dr.'s Cloud and Townsend, and today I read a chapter that talks about boundaries between myself and God. It was enlightening and thought-provoking. They presented the same idea I did above (except more intellectually and thoroughly). We are in relationship with God. Now, some of our conflicts in relationship with Him have more than likely come from imperfect human relations. For example, if we have experienced, whether one deeply impacting instance or a culture of encounters, abandonment or punishment when we expressed our "no" to someone, we will naturally be fearful of telling God no simply because we'll assume subconsciously that God will either abandon us, or He'll punish us for saying no. God will do neither of these. As I said before, I'm not condoning disobedience, we can rest assured if we tell God "no" about something, He's promised "I will never leave you, nor forsake you," and He won't punish us. Unfortunately, most of us have experienced someone who has withdrawn their love or the relationship entirely when we expressed our boundaries through telling them "no." And as a result, we've falsely attributed that characteristic to God: that He will leave us and not be our Friend or Father if we tell Him no. While it's true He won't leave or punish us, I do believe He'll let us deal with the consequences of our decision whether good or bad. One example the authors gave of this was the prodigal son. His father gave him his inheritance, respected his "no", let him suffer the consequences of his decision, but lovingly welcomed him home when he returned. This son was honest with his father, and his father respected that. On the other hand, the other son said yes to his father, but it is clear that his heart said no because he was angry. He was dishonest with his father rather than being sincere in expressing how he truly felt. Honesty is always the best policy in relationship. 

On the flip side, God is allowed to tell us no. He told Jesus no when Jesus asked if there was any other way for Him to die and bring salvation to the world. When God tells us no, we need the maturity, as in any relationship, to accept His boundary and yet not become angry with Him. He has the right, as well as we all do, to say no and draw a line for Himself. 

I could go on and on about this concept. There is so much freedom in relationship when people (or God) have the maturity to accept no and say no. It brings life and security to the friendship. If you can't say no, I'd encourage you to practice. If you can't accept no from someone, I'd encourage you to work on that also. Life is a process, and I'm still learning and growing in both! 

The Overflow Ramblings

This is a post for 2 reasons: 1. because I am discouraged by the many Christians I know who are not excited about God's love and 2. because I am overflowing with excitement, joy, and gratitude for what Jesus has done.

Every Christmas season the reality of what God brought us becomes sweeter to me. But, with the recent season I've went through and the new season I have just begun, I cannot think of any reason why Christians, followers of Christ, should not be beaming with love and joy! While I don't understand it, I have been there. I've been a Christian and not felt joyful, or peaceful, or thankful, or at all connected to the reality of what our Father God has done for us. Even in hindsight, I'm not quite sure how my attitude has shifted, but there is definitely one action on my part that has changed that could be the key. Worship.

This past year I've probably spent more of my quiet time just worshiping than I have in the prior 3 years all together. And it has made a HUGE impact on my relationship with God and my perspective of Jesus. I'm coming to realize that I used to try and have relationship through discipline. I would think, "Oh, if I can just read my Bible every day for at least 30 minutes, I will have a good relationship with God." And for me personally, I was being legalistic in my heart - thinking that a rule could make me righteous and would give me a "better" relationship with God, as if just spending time with Him wasn't enough, as if I had to be perfectly disciplined to be acceptable. 
As I began worshiping more in my quiet time, I found myself more aware throughout the day of the Holy Spirit and being in communication with God more. I found my perspective being aligned with His. I found that it was when I was worshiping and focusing solely on Him, that He would speak to me and tell me anything I needed to hear. I've realized when I just sit in His presence and soak it in, He shows me how much more love He has to give that I can't even comprehend. 

Jesus is so good. And I'm discouraged by the many Christians I see living in bondage to discipline, rules, others' opinions, or simply their own fear. Satan has taken too much ground... He is NOT that powerful. He is NOT strong. Let's shout in his face how much bigger Jesus is! I want to see followers of Christ being free in who God made them, free in expression of their love for Him, and free to love and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. And if you're struggling, I'd encourage you to spend time in worship - spend time dwelling on who God is and who Jesus is. I promise it will become more amazing each time. Father God has offered us complete freedom - too great a gift for Christians to be living in fear and therefore being self-focused, instead of sharing and loving on others. 

Worship Me In The Secret Place

This week was rough for me spiritually, and I couldn't figure out why. I was struggling a lot yet I was reading my Bible, praying, and spending time in God's presence daily. Yesterday and today were wonderful, but to be honest, I'm not sure what turned it around; I didn't change anything.
Most of the time, people will say if you're struggling spiritually, "Well, God hasn't moved so it must be you." I'm not quite sure that was what happened this week though. From the bottom of my heart I can sincerely say I hadn't moved from God and back to Him. But one thing I do know is this: it is righteous for us to worship Him when we don't feel like it. It is right for us to worship Him when we don't have the energy. It is right for us to worship Him just because it delights His heart. It is right for us to sing to Him because He is good. After we've gone through difficult times yet we've still worshiped Him just the same as if we were high on life, He does a transformation in us that cannot be achieved any other way.
Today I was worshiping on my own and I just heard God say, "Worship me in the secret place." Initially, I kind of though, "Well, I am right now God?" But then I just heard it over and over anyways. It is vital to our spiritual life that we worship Him in our own private time. There is a spiritual wall that is broken down when we worship God full-out when no one else is around. It delights Him. He desires for us to desire Him. He longs for us to want to worship Him and please Him. We weren't called to be Christians that worship God on Sunday mornings only. Yes, we worship God in all that we do if we're obeying Him, but there is a release in singing to Him in the secret place. There's a connection and a spiritual strength He gives when we desire to worship Him when we're alone. So I'd challenge you, if you don't already do this, worship God in the secret place; give Him your attention and your affection when no one else is around. And tell Him how good and how beautiful He is.

Lord, What Have We Done?

*The following is a writing that was on my heart after reading a few chapters in The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. Of the complaints I have, please know I am not considering myself blameless in the slightest. I know I'm imperfect and do some of the very things I'm rejecting here, but I believe in God's grace to forgive me and show me when I'm wrong. I won't ever be perfect. I hope this will not be something to make people feel guilty, but will rather be an encouragement to be more like Jesus! 

Lord, what have we done?
Seeing and mocking those who don't know You - those who are lost
Not with direct slander, but with subtle comments and the absence of love in our hearts
People will excuse themselves, but You will not

No, it's never okay to even make a representation of someone should it come out as if they're inferior
And Satan, with great success, has convinced the church that if we don't make direct comments or don't hurt their feelings, then it's okay, it's just "the truth"

But the truth is Jesus never called anyone out or spoke poorly of them
And rather than just allowing them to shamefully enter the church,
He sought them out
Lord, what have we done?

We argue and debate theology before ever doing the Great Commission
We hand out tracks before we hand out food and judge a person's appearance before simply realizing they  need to see You
Lord, what have we done?

When selecting our leaders, we judge their past before we examine their hearts, completely disregarding that you call us a new creation in Christ
Lord, what have we done?

Let us not turn from or later verbalize our disgust - instead let us go to the drunkard, the idolater, and every outsider with love and compassion and mercy and grace
Let us not allow our brothers and sisters in Christ to behave in these ways - that we wouldn't judge one another in our hearts but confront one another with love
Let us not reach the end of our life and regrettably utter, Lord, what have we done?