Confusing Callings

The worst feeling is knowing what God has told you to do and feeling like you misheard or misrepresented Him. You know, those times when God has very clearly told you to do something or shared something with you, and when you share it, people think you're absolutely ridiculous? That's okay. It is definitely a struggle when you have no support for something you know God has clearly told you. There are even times when other Christians don't support you, disregarding the fact that you heard it from God. Which seems quite ironic when you think about it... that those who hold the same beliefs as you would look at you like you're crazy when you share what God has told you to do or what He's shared with you. And it's always discouraging. Those people, the ones who believe and trust in the same God, don't accept that you've been told something. That has always made me question if it was right. "Well, if my Christian family and friends don't think this is what God wants for me, is this what He really told me?" But, God is showing me we should question others' opinions before we question what God has told us. 

I've been reading in Exodus. If you don't know the background, the Israelites are slaves to the Egyptians. The Israelites had been crying for help. 

Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the people of Israel and knew it was time to act. Exodus 2:23-25

God then reveals to Moses that He will set the Israelites free from the Egyptians, and Moses is the one God is going to send to Pharaoh and the one who will lead the Israelites out of Egypt. After a conversation with God about not feeling qualified, Moses is going to do what the Lord has asked of him. Moses and Aaron go to Pharaoh and tell Pharaoh that the Lord has commanded he let the Israelites go, but Pharaoh refuses. 

Now onto how this relates to what I began with:

It isn't surprising that Pharaoh refuses to let the Israelites go (1. because he wouldn't have slaves and 2. because God already decided to harden his heart {Exodus 4:21}), but what is surprising is that the Israelites are not even supportive of Moses. I would assume the Israelites would be ecstatic and supportive if God told Moses He would set the Israelites free. But they aren't. In Exodus 5:21, the Israelite foremen said to Moses and Aaron, "May the Lord judge and punish you for making us stink before Pharaoh and his officials. You have put a sword into their hands, an excuse to kill us!" To me that's a little harsh for someone who is trying to save them. 

So Moses returns to God and asks why... Moses is looking for reassurance for what the Lord has told him. And God, so patiently, repeats to Moses what He is going to do and assures Moses that he will lead the Israelites out of Egypt. 

Moses, like us, brings up to God the fact that no one is supporting him. Even those who will benefit from what God is going to do through him aren't supporting him. Moses says in 6:12, "But Lord! My own people won't listen to me anymore. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen? I'm such a clumsy speaker!" So on top of not having any support, Moses is awful at public speaking. 

God sometimes calls us to things we aren't necessarily ready to do and sometimes without any support. We have to be ready to be strong in the Lord and do what He says despite other people. Our support is God's voice and assurance in what He's told us. And like Moses, maybe in the world's eyes we aren't even qualified to do what God has asked of us. But, I've heard this quote before and I agree with it: "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." (In my opinion, it's better that way because it's easier to stay humble when we don't feel adequate.)

You won't always have the support and encouragement from family and friends when God asks something "big" or "extreme" of you. But what is most important is that you're assured in your heart of what the Lord has asked and that you're faithful to it. Don't let the environment or circumstances around you change what you know you heard God speak. He is faithful to our obedience, and He always does what He promises when we hold up our end of the bargain. 

Don't be afraid to stand alone. God is standing there with you if He told you to do it, and He will walk with you through it which is better than having any person for support. 

The Wind & The Waves

Recently I've been going through a phase in my life where God is teaching me not to surrender to fear and worry - like truly to give it up to Him in a practical way. He's showing me I do have an active role in order to get rid of fear in my life. It has not been easy, and I haven't always succeeded, but there is grace, mercy, and freedom in the Cross.

We're told in Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God, through Paul, wasn't simply suggesting, "Hey, I think life might be a little better if you don't worry but pray instead." When I read this, I see it more as a command. Do not be anxious about anything. By prayer and petition, present your requests to God. I think we (Christians) often complicate trying not to "worry" and act like it's a sin, and then we act so troubled thinking, "Oh, I need to work on not worrying. I'm not really there yet." The solution is clear to me: When you're worrying, pray. It doesn't matter if you feel like praying or believe it will make a difference. God is faithful to our actions of obedience when we feel faithless. I've been learning in my own experience that even when I don't feel like praying when I'm worried, when I do, God is always faithful to give me peace simply because I'm trying to obey Him and surrender my fears.

It'd be a lot easier to not worry if we didn't have things to worry about, right? If life were just simpler. Well, God being as wonderful as He is, gave us a solution for that too. In Matthew 14, Jesus is walking on water towards the disciples in the boat. Peter says to Jesus in verse 28, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." So in response Jesus tells him to come. If you're familiar with the story, you know that Peter looked away from Jesus, got terrified, started to sink, and then Jesus reached out to grab him. In verse 30, it specifically says what distracted Peter from Jesus: "But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink." 
I'm going to present this more as a metaphor to our lives, but I believe it to be completely relevant to this passage. Because Peter looks at the wind and the waves, he failed to see the One who would bring him through it. Our eyes cannot be focused on 2 different things - unless you're really talented. But realistically, it's not possible. We cannot be looking at how I'm going to pay this bill, how I'm going to get food, how I'm going to fix this relationship, etc. We must focus on Jesus. And to do that, we have to intentionally take our eyes off of distractions, stare straight ahead at Jesus and keep walking. That is the only way to make it through the wind and the waves. When people say, "If God led you to it, He'll lead you through it," I believe that to be true, but only if we're focused on Him and not how we're going to overcome the circumstances.
Faith shall be our substance to walk on.
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." 
Peter wasn't walking on any tangible substance that would keep him afloat. His faith and fixation on Jesus was his substance that kept him from sinking.

I'm not saying I've mastered fixing my eyes on Jesus, but learning this lesson requires a constant battle against distraction. It must be intentional on our part to pray, and ask, when we're filled with fear, worry, or doubt. And God will be faithful.
Matthew 21:22 "You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."




For those of you interested, God has shown me all of this through a sermon I was listening to. The essence of the message wasn't about prayer in anxiousness, but it was focused on faith and asking. If you're interested in listening, the link is http://sermon.net/newdaysc/sermonid/2411550 It should be titled, "How (and when) to walk on water". 

It Hated Me First

I am not on this Earth for my own benefit. I could not have put myself here. It was God-ordained, which means He has a purpose for me. A purpose I must surrender to because the only value I have is in doing what I was made for, which is being used by God. 
I must be willing to sacrifice my own desires, dreams, friendships, time, and passions. Pursuing any of my own will leave me empty and dissatisfied because I won't have done what I was made for. Now, the actual practice of this reality is quite new to me. I've known it, I've heard it, and I've thought I understood it. But recently God has shown me there's much more to surrender. 
I seek comfort. I seek acceptance. Two things that do not come from being bold for Christ. 
"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you" John 15:18-19
If I am hated, it will be from being a light. Light exposes all darkness. So if I am hated because Christ shines through me exposing all filth and evil, then let me be hated. 

Refusing To Be Defeated By An Attack

It’s comical how dramatic we can be about life.

“Woe is me because school is hard and Satan attacks me occasionally.”

 I’m sure many know the story of Job. In just the first chapter, Satan kills all his animals, burns his sheep and shepherds, steals his camels, kills his servants, and killed all his children. Sounds like a pretty literal fulfillment of John 10:10, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” In response as stated in Job 1:20, Job fell to the ground and worshipped God. He said, “The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!”

I wish I had that attitude all the time. But to be honest, pride gets in the way and I convince myself (or Satan convinces me of a lie) that I deserve what I have and that God doesn’t have the right to take it away. He certainly does though. He created me and He sustains me, so He may do what He wishes and whether I like it or not, I can't object. God is in control even when I try to be.

Having said that, I know God is in control now even when Satan attacks me. Just like in Job, God knows what my response will be. God is more powerful than Satan; He must give Satan permission to do anything to me because I am a child of God. Also, I need to keep my eyes open for the ways God will provide for me.

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” 1 Corinthians 10:13

I am so thankful God will provide a way out of temptation. All I need to do is trust Him and look for that open door. 

I’ve also realized my personality is similar to Job’s based on what Eliphaz says to Job in 4:3-5, “In the past you have encouraged many people; you have strengthened those who were weak. Your words have supported those who were falling; you encouraged those with shaky knees. But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart. You are terrified when it touches you.” It’s scary to admit, but I’m very much like that. I feel I can be a great encouragement to others and remind them that God is in control, but when it comes to me, oh boy. And most people are like that. But why do we do that? We say one thing and when it comes to us we behave in another as if what we say to encourage others doesn’t apply to us.

God is currently teaching me that when Satan attacks me, I have the power through Christ to command him to leave; he is NOT allowed to control me. It’s a very difficult lesson to learn because I have to put my confidence in God into practice. When I feel my weakest, I have to tell Satan I am stronger because of Christ. And lately, situations have been arising where I have been able to learn the lesson God has been teaching me. He’s not just telling me, but I’m having opportunities for application. While I may feel defeated, I know I’m not.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

My Current Quest

*This is going to be very vague just for the purpose of length.*

God has really been teaching me this semester about trusting in Him. And I don't mean that lightly. He has humbled me, taken away my pride, and caused me to trust in nothing but Himself even to the point of having peace that if I am not "successful", it is okay because life here is temporary. I've been really struggling in how to handle my life and how to balance it. What things do I "give up" or stop doing when I can't seem to handle them all, but yet they all seem so important to me and are a way I serve God? I've been torn. Luckily, God knows that. He knows I haven't been able to give anything up even though I can't handle it all. And because of that, He is providing an out for me. I'm so thankful that God will provide for us. I'm so thankful that when we can't do things on our own but are striving to serve Him, that He will provide the means we need to get through it. I hope this makes sense without the details included. 

God is literally making me stop doing something. I didn't choose it; I didn't feel a peace about "quitting" something I'm a part of. I literally will not be able to fit each thing I've done this semester into next semester. And that is a blessing in disguise. To me, it is God saying, "It's okay, I've got this. I know you feel like you can't hear me or feel me leading, so I will show you what to give up by making it to where you can't do it." I am so thankful for His intervention in my life at this point. I can't even explain it. 

I'm not even sure the point of this blog besides that fact that I am overwhelmed that I don't have to try and figure out what I'm supposed to do. God is just setting it up to where I don't have to pick. Instead, it will be impossible for me to be a part of a certain group. Hopefully this will just be an encouragement to you that God will make a way for you to do His will if you're striving and can't seem to figure it out on your own. He will never punish or ignore a seeking heart. 

I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me. Proverbs 8:17

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.' Jeremiah 29:11-13

Our Weakness, His Power.

Paul writing:

...So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.          2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT

     Can you relate to Paul at all? Have you ever, even once in your life, asked God to take away something that was painful? It's the most natural response to something hurtful, uncomfortable, or painful: we want it gone, and we want it gone now. But, God didn't just grant Paul's wish and remove this thorn. Instead, He gave Paul a new perspective of it which was for His glory. 
     Let's be real. I don't know about others, but I know that the first thing that comes to mind when I have a "thorn in my flesh" isn't, "God, thank you for this weakness so you may be glorified!" It's usually, "God, why?", or "Will you please take this away?" And I'm ashamed to say, even after I may have realized my bad attitude towards a particular situation, I still can't say with confidence that I always search for a way to make God known in my weakness. It's a pride issue. No one wants to be weak. No one wants to be seen when they're feeling weak. And lately, God has been teaching me to let go of that pride I have in myself and instead boast in Him alone. 
     Another observation I wanted to point out is just how quickly Paul's attitude does change. The verse after God tells Paul that His grace is sufficient (v.9), Paul says he is now glad to boast in weaknesses. I am not that quick of a learner. When God is teaching me a lesson, it usually takes a long time for me to learn it with multiple situations to reinforce. But, I am thankful that with a searching and willing heart, God will continue to teach us and transform us. 


     This isn't very theological or in-depth, but I hope it is an encouragement to let God use your weakest moments for His power to shine. I want my attitude at my next moment of weakness to be, "God, please show your grace through this situation, and give me strength that only you can take credit for." After all, if He created us, any strength we have is from Him in the first place. So why are we boasting in anything but Him? 

 

Suck It Up and Do It

I've realized I pity myself far too often, as well as many others do I'm sure. But, I don't want to focus on others when I'm only accountable for myself.


I find myself thinking, "Life is so hard." Hello? I'm 20. My parents are together, they help me pay for school, my grandparents are living and kind enough to let me live with them during the school year so my commute isn't so far, I have great friends, my health is good, what in the world do I have to complain about?
Part of this self-pity has to do with relativity. Comparative to others' lives, my life has been fairly "easy" without any struggles. At least that's what other people would see it as, and I would have to agree although my life has been far from perfect. But that doesn't mean I haven't been blessed. No one can expect their life to be perfect. But anyways, in relation to growing up and having an "easy" life, I tend to get overwhelmed easily I've realized. I used to think I could handle a lot going on at a time, but I've become a little less prideful and admitted I actually can't deal with as much going on at once as most people can. Last year during school I worked 5-10 hours a week, had 14 credit hours (granted, 7 hours of lab a week with those classes), and at times, I felt like I could die from stress. And most people would look at me and respond with, "Suck it up", which I would not be offended by.
And I guess I have no where I am heading with this blog, I just wanted to share a new perspective I've had. Part of it being that I start the nursing program this semester, and to be honest, I am terrified. It will be hard; I will probably cry; some concepts I will not understand; I may need to get extra help; I may need to sacrifice fun time to study more, but isn't this what I signed up for? Why would I complain when there are people heartbroken because they couldn't get in the program? I am blessed. I have such a great learning opportunity, and I'm very fortunate to have gotten accepted. But I have been choosing to ignore that and instead complain about how hard it will be. Suck it up and do it. If I don't want to do it, I don't have to. I could easily just quite and pick a different major. But, I would consider that as a failure. Not because I chose a different path, but because I let the degree of difficulty persuade me.
I hear people say, and I have said as well, regarding a school year, "I'm going to die this semester." I could scream at myself for saying that. Really? Could we be more dramatic? I'm pretty sure no one has ever died from school being hard. Quite the opposite... I have never not seen growth after a hard school semester. So shouldn't we count that as a blessing? Such ironic beings we are.... wanting wisdom, and strength, and knowledge, and skills, yet not wanting to do anything to attain them.


I hope this has maybe opened eyes to evaluating how you view things, and hopefully it will encourage you to make the best of everything difficult in life that comes your way.
Obviously this won't keep me from complaining, but the more aware I am that I do it for no reason, and the more people that can point out when I'm dramatic and encourage me to see it as a blessing, the better I will become at making the best of all difficulties I'm faced with.